These Horror Stories From Teachers About Nightmare Parents Will Make You Cringe, Then Laugh

These stories about helicopter parents are SO incredibly funny. Except if you’re a teacher — and if that’s the case, please can I give you a hug because honestly I don’t know how you put up with all this.

#1. When they want you to change the laws of physics and reasoning.

“This girl didn’t study and skipped most of the questions on a test. Mom came in to argue about her daughter’s failing grade and said she should only be graded on the questions she did answer, so therefore should have scored a 100 since the few she chose to answer were correct.”

#2. When they spew one pitiful excuse after another.

“Intellectual property is a real gray area,” one parent said in regard to blatant plagiarism.

#3. When they think their child needs extra special attention, with sprinkles on top.

“‘Caitlyn doesn’t feel like writing. She’ll just say the answers to the work out loud from now on.’”

#4. When they don’t just condone violence but celebrate it.

“Little boy punched a girl in the face and broke her nose. The dad comes to a meeting with the teacher and principal and high fives his son for doing it.”

#5. When they bring home the Best Memory medal for holding a four-year-old grudge .

“Yes, my child is misbehaving, throwing chairs, hitting other kids etc., but you took his paper airplane in 2nd grade and scrunched it up, so this is really your own doing.” (The kid was in 6th grade at this point.)

#6. When they just forget to tell you they gave birth to a werewolf.

“‘Oh yeah, her behavior and aggression vary with the phases of the moon’ — the student had publicly threatened to kill me over unplugging her phone charger.”

#7. When they must not have been vaccinated as children.

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“My wife is an elementary school teacher and suspected that one of her students may be autistic. My wife had a conference with the mother and explained that she would like him to be evaluated, but the mother refused and said that if her son did have autism, my wife was the one who caused it.”

#8. When they think of their 3-year-old as poultry.

“A Kindergarten teacher listed a parent’s demands, ‘Why isn’t my child writing their name yet? I don’t want my child wearing sunscreen. My child is free-range. I will not vaccinate.’”

#9. When presumably they’re raising a criminal mastermind.

“I had a parent tell me his kid was acting dumb for my benefit and that he is really smart at home.”

#10. When their child’s mediocrity is unacceptable.

“My [teacher] mom frequently is forced to let kids retake tests because they didn’t do well on them. Not because the kids have any sort of problem, but because the parents complain that their genius somehow got a failing grade on a test.”

#11. When they’re just… wrong.

“It’s not your job to teach my son lessons.”

#12. When they serve lawsuits for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

“My child has anxiety and as such, will not be completing your final project. You will give her an A for the course regardless of her ability to complete the research project, or I will report you to the administration and sue the school.”

#13. When their job as parents have an off switch.

“When talking to a parent regarding behavioral issues, the parent said ‘From 8-2, he’s your problem, not mine.’”

#14. When they don’t know that they don’t know.

“During a conference, the paperwork from his pediatrician mentioned a possible autism diagnosis. The mom said ‘I don’t know what it is and I don’t ever want to know. I don’t Google anything medical ever.’ In the same conference, she mentioned that one of the men who could be his father has ‘something called Asperger’s.’”

#15. When they live in a pineapple under the sea.

“For the taxes we pay, we expect our teachers to get our kids into any college we want.”

#16. When they’re time travelers from the pre-suffragette period.

“Don’t worry about my daughter, she’s thick. She only needs to cook and clean. How is my son doing?”

#17. When they’re lowkey the Duke and Duchess of the United States of Who The Heck Are You.

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“Third grader’s parents come in, with a notarized list of demands. 1. Children in my class must be prohibited from bringing in gluten, ever. They said they didn’t want her to feel left out because other kids were eating gluten. No, she didn’t have celiac, it was just the family’s personal choice. 2. I must let their daughter choose who she sits next to each day (the class had a carefully coordinated seating plan.) 3. She be exempt from history class because she was too advanced for our history class but not advanced enough for the accelerated class.”

#18. When tu eres feo y estupido.

“Parent asked me to exempt her kid from speaking anything in Spanish class. Said it made her daughter uncomfortable to say anything in Spanish.”

#19. When they’re probably the spawn of Satan.

“I’m not a teacher, but I coach my kid’s youth sports teams. I once had a dad approach me and bribe me ($50) to prevent a certain kid from playing in our upcoming flag football game. These were 6-year-old kids. The kid did make a costly mistake in the previous game, but the fact that this random dad was willing to pay me to bench the kid was mind-blowing.”

#20. When the only reason they might need to say something like this is if they have special children.

“I was told last year that the ‘obvious reason’ I work in special education is because I ‘can’t get a job teaching normal children.’”

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