6YR OLD: does it hurt, daddy?
ME: [with a tissue up my nose to stop the bleeding] yes
6: good…that'll teach you not to eat my ice cream
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) August 17, 2016
*tries to be a good mom
*sets up craft time
*dumps out water
*pees in paint cup
*dips paintbrush in pee
*tries to paint with piss
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) August 31, 2016
Me: Pick up your toys
6-year-old: *picks up a toy and sets it back down*
Me: I meant pick it up and put it away
6: I'm not a mind reader.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 11, 2016
6: Wanna play school with us?
Me: Sure, I could use a break from cleani-
6: Ok, you be the janitor.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 23, 2016
(Man hobbles into grocery store using a cane)
5: HEY MOM THAT MAN IS USING A WALKING STICK BC HIS BONES AREN'T STRONG & HE'LL DIE SOON RIGHT
— Sweggpants Cher (@House_Feminist) June 3, 2016
My cousin: [to my kids] omg you guys have grown so much! How old are you now?
6: What's your wifi password?
— Anna Grace (@graceful_asfuck) July 6, 2016