Relationship experts have identified ten phrases that should be avoided during discussions with your partner, especially during heated moments.
Arguments can easily escalate, leading to saying things you might regret. Certain statements can be particularly damaging to a relationship, making it crucial to choose your words carefully.
Even though every relationship is unique, experts have found commonalities in the types of statements that can harm any relationship.
In an article with i News, several relationship experts shared insights on ten statements to steer clear of with your partner, no matter the situation.
One such phrase is telling your partner they’re overreacting, which can make them feel like their emotions are being dismissed and may even seem like gaslighting.
Jeanette Fegan, a chartered counselling psychologist, explained that feeling disregarded may lead to loneliness and hesitation in expressing feelings openly. This lack of openness can breed resentment and prevent couples from resolving conflicts maturely.
This kind of statement is often expressed when one partner feels overlooked or undervalued.
Life coach Lorena Bernal mentions that such a statement can damage the perception of your partner’s priorities in the relationship.
It can erode trust and suggest a lack of appreciation for efforts made, which can be particularly harmful as it’s often unfounded.
“Starting a discussion with what is essentially a falsehood sets a negative tone, putting the other person on the defensive,” Lorena explained.
This can result in feelings of frustration and hopelessness, overshadowing past efforts made in the relationship.
Such statements essentially invalidate your partner’s emotions, which is not ideal if they are upset about something.
Heather Garbutt, a love and relationship coach, emphasizes the importance of recognizing your partner’s experience in conflicts, noting that invalidating their feelings can destroy trust.
Although it may be tempting to bring up past arguments, it’s advisable to avoid this tactic.
This habit can impede the resolution of current issues.
Lorena stated, “This approach often leads to overreaction, as it compounds the emotional intensity of the present issue with unresolved feelings from previous disputes.”
“Your partner may feel confused and overwhelmed by the sudden escalation, as their focus is on the immediate problem, not the historical context you’re introducing.”
Focusing on the present issue is more productive.
It’s not advisable to use such dismissive lines with anyone, especially not with your partner. Neuroscientist and human behavior expert Eldin Hasa noted that it implies superiority and can trigger stress, hindering resolution efforts.
Dismissive behaviors can lead to feelings of rejection and isolation.
Name-calling might be tempting during a conflict, but it is never advisable.
Jeanette explained that it could have severe consequences for a relationship.
“This type of behavior also erodes the partner’s self-esteem, leading to feelings of worthlessness, and negative cognitions of ‘I’m not good enough’. When this type of behavior is constantly repeated it can make it difficult to resolve issues in a healthy constructive way,” she said.
Comparisons are generally detrimental, especially in relationships.
“Comparing your partner to others can be hurtful and damaging,” Eldin emphasized.
“The brain seeks individuality and uniqueness, and feeling inadequate can lead to emotional distress and strained relationships.”
Ultimatums tend to lead to negative outcomes and can cultivate toxicity.
They foster fear and control while discouraging open communication.
Jeanette advises that concerns be discussed openly to find mutually beneficial solutions.
Focusing on collaboration rather than competition is key.