There are two types of people in this world: demigods with tongues of steel, and the mere mortal weaklings. Come judgment day, when fire will engulf the earth, the spicy food worshippers will just laugh and say “well… I mean, it’s not as hot as a ghost pepper.”
If you’re one of these fire-breathing dragon-human hybrid people, you’ll totally relate to more than a few of these:
#1. Hot wings are your go-to spicy food fix.
Or anything on the menu with more than 3 chili peppers.
#2. You ask friends on vacation to bring you back some local hot sauce or peppers.
Because it’s not enough to just stick to your usual spice variety, you need to explore other kinds as well.
#3. Or you bring back your own, as spicy food is usually the main agenda on your travels.
Because one country’s mild might be another country’s spicy, and you just need to know.
#4. You spend too much time in the condiments aisle at the grocery store.
Before realizing that you just filled a quarter of your cart with spicy marinades, pepper jellies, and chili powders. Whoops.
#5. People always ask you “HOW CAN YOU EAT THAT?!”
FIRE CANNOT KILL A DRAGON!
#6. People have also asked you if your taste buds are dead.
No.
#7. Your friends don’t trust you to order anything for the group.
Well, how were you supposed to know that they couldn’t handle anything higher than a level 4, right?
#8. You have a hard time grasping the concept of ‘mild.’
“Mild? What nonsense is this?!”
#9. Milk is and always will be your best friend.
At this point, your body’s probably already half milk, half pepper.
#10. You consider the Scoville Scale as your personal decalogue.
“Ahh, the Scoville Scale? Glad you asked. It’s a scale made to measure the pungency of chili peppers, and capsaicin concentration, which uses a unit of… wait, where are you going?”
#11. You remember not to touch your face after you’ve touched something spicy.
And pity anyone who’s made that horrible mistake. Sigh. Amateurs.
#12. Whenever you eat at a restaurant, you end up finishing your table’s entire bottle of hot sauce.
“I regret NOTHING.”
#13. Your friends aren’t the biggest fans of your cooking.
They know that starving themselves is actually a lot safer than eating anything you cook.
You probably own a Sriracha2Go too, don’t you?
#15. People start respecting you after they see how well you can handle spicy food.
“Yes, I am the alpha.”
#16. You have food all for yourself because no one else can handle your tolerance.
#notonmylevel
#17. You truly believe that everything tastes better when it’s spicy.
Sriracha on pho? Heck, yeah. Sriracha on vanilla ice cream? HECK, YEAH.