America is a country of beautiful people and equally beautiful places. That is, all but one: Pennsylvania. A painfully provincial state wedged between its more attractive sister-states, New York and Ohio, Pennsylvania’s lackluster countenance just pales in comparison.
#1. Let’s get straight to the point: this place is revolting.
Calkins Creamery, Pocono Mountains.
#2. Looking for somewhere with zero charm?
Hopewell.
#3. Then this horrid, lifeless place is for you.
Leonard State Park, Wellsboro.
#4. There’s quite literally nothing to see.
Snow in Pennsylvania Grand Canyon.
#5. Honestly.
Woodward Caves, Huntingdon.
#6. Just look at that wide expanse of empty, boring space.
Lackawaxen.
#7. All the sights are dull.
Eastern State Penitentiary, Philadelphia.
#8. No entertaining or fascinating stories behind any of them.
Gettysburg National Military Park, Gettysburg.
#9. When we say it’s a hick state…
Market Square and PPG Place, Downtown Pittsburgh.
#10. We’re not exaggerating.
South Shore, Pittsburgh.
#11. It’s the place where art and culture go to die.
Andy Warhol Museum, Pittsburgh.
#12. Have they even heard of art?
Philadelphia Museum of Art, Philadelphia.
#13. There’s not even any history to speak of.
Liberty Bell Center, Philadelphia.
#14. None whatsoever.
The National Memorial Arch, Valley Forge National Historical Park.
#15. And the people? Don’t even ask.
They’re preoccupied with cancer charity events like the Annual Splashin’ with Compassion. Who would be interested in plunging into ice-cold water, warming up beside the fire pit, and feasting on food served by Montage Mountain? That’s so boring.
#16. The words “fun” and “thrill” are foreign to them.
Moraine State Park, Slippery Rock.
#17. Their idea of a good time is watching paint dry.
Hersheypark, Hershey.
#18. Food is not a forte of theirs, either.
Who wants to eat at what may be one of the best restaurants in the state — or the country? So what if it’s a vegetarian place that serves food that tastes better than non-veg restaurants? Don’t go to Vedge, Philadelphia.
#19. Even cardboard would taste better.
You’ll have to book two months ahead for a table at Vetri Ristorante, Philadelphia. My soggy mac’ n’ cheese will suffice, thank you vetri much.
#20. Restaurants around here are just uninspired.
The Catacombs, Bube’s Brewery, Mount Joy.
#21. Not gonna lie, this place sucks.
Wishing Waterfall, Dingmans Ferry.
#22. Why anyone would visit this place is beyond our comprehension.
Hyner Run State Park, North Bend.
#23. Few things are less tempting.
Pocono Mountains Lake.