When you say your vows, it typically signifies a lifelong commitment, but that wasn’t the case for this Japanese couple.
Their issues began with their very first conversation about marriage during the early stages of their relationship.
Residing in Tokyo, the couple met in college and naturally moved towards the idea of tying the knot.
However, a particular aspect of their wedding sparked conflict.
It was about their surnames.
The woman, who is a company employee, suggested to her boyfriend, a civil servant, that she might keep her surname due to a nickname associated with it. His response was dismissive.
According to reports, he remarked: “Don’t women normally change their surnames to the guys’?”
This led to tension between them, and they concluded that there was only one way to satisfy both of their wishes.
At age 32, as they started contemplating their future more seriously, the man proposed a solution inspired by another couple’s approach.
They decided to alternate surnames every three years.
They both felt satisfied with this arrangement, as it allowed them to use their own names without feeling like they were sacrificing their identities.
After getting married in 2016, they decided their first surname by drawing straws during their honeymoon in Vienna.
The husband won the first round of what they called Operation Surname.
However, the wife soon found it overwhelming, as she couldn’t use her maiden name at work for security reasons while working abroad.
She had to use her legal name, her husband’s surname, which left her feeling depressed.
Three years later, the couple divorced but immediately re-married using the wife’s surname.
The husband could use his given name at work, but ‘in important settings, I was reminded that my name was not my name,’ and he had to use his wife’s surname.
They didn’t want a divorce.
They simply wanted to retain their own surnames and ensure fairness in their marriage.
When they attempted to change their names while still married, the courts denied their request, leaving them no choice but to end the marriage and re-marry under a different surname.
Then, a Tokyo District Court ruling caught their attention.
Film director Kazuhiro Soda and his wife, Kiyoko Kashiwagi, married under New York law in 1997 and filed a marriage registration form under separate surnames with the Chiyoda Ward Office in Tokyo, which was rejected.
In 2021, the Tokyo District Court ruled that they should petition the family court to retain their separate surnames.
However, the Court also acknowledged that despite their different surnames, the couple were legally married because they had wed abroad.
This ruling might offer the break the couple has been waiting for.
No longer would they need to divorce and then re-marry just to retain their own names.
Nonetheless, it’s quite a process to undertake.
They would need to spend thousands of dollars to travel to a country like the US, get married there, return to Japan to file their marriage, and then petition to keep their surnames separate on the family register document.
It seems quite excessive, doesn’t it?
For now, they are content to continue with their current arrangement.