Holly Madison has shared insights into her experience of the ‘fishbowl’ existence at Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion, describing how her perspective became ‘warped’.
Madison’s relationship with Hefner spanned from 2001 to 2008, during which she was recognized as his ‘number one girlfriend’ on the reality show, The Girls Next Door.
Following Hefner’s death in 2017 at the age of 91, Madison and other Playmates have started to speak out about the realities of living in the iconic Playboy Mansion and their experiences with Hefner.
Madison has previously discussed the challenges of living in the ‘fast lane’, explaining why the mansion felt like a ‘cult’. She has opened up about her and Hefner’s intimate relationships, describing certain ‘disgusting’ aspects, while also dispelling a common misconception she often saw circulated online.
Recently, Madison has delved into not just the physical side of her relationship with Hefner, but also the psychological aspects. She realized, looking back, that she ‘thought’ she was ‘connecting’ with him but actually ‘didn’t know him well’.
In an interview with the New York Post, the 45-year-old said, “I had this mindset of being in love, and it was kind of tinged with a little bit of Stockholm syndrome.”
“I thought I was connecting with [Hefner], when really I was just somebody who had trouble connecting with people my whole life. And I’d met somebody who was like a master manipulator.”
Reflecting on her past, Madison views herself as ‘somebody who was young and impressionable and just kind of in a fog almost’.
Moreover, Madison now believes that her mindset during her time with Hefner was ‘warped’ and characterized by ‘cognitive dissonance’.
Madison explained that she might have initially believed she was ‘in love’, but soon realized she had ‘made a bad decision’. However, being ‘in over [her] head’ led her to try to ‘justify’ her situation.
She also discussed how living at the Playboy Mansion impacted not just ‘part’ of her life, but also her ‘reputation’, necessitating a way to ‘make it okay’ after leaving that environment.
Madison noted that she was ‘lucky’ to have opportunities to ‘turn lemons into lemonade’ through ventures like the reality show and other endeavors.
She concluded, “You know, when you’re in the goldfish bowl, everything looks all blurry and distorted. And you don’t see things clearly until you’re outside of the goldfish bowl.”