An interabled couple has shared insights into their intimate life, addressing misconceptions about disability and confronting online negativity.
Shane Burcaw and Hannah Aylward had been in a relationship for several years before they decided to marry in September 2020.
Throughout their courtship, the couple discovered that their relationship was often viewed as ‘unusual’ due to Shane’s severe muscle-wasting condition that necessitates the use of a wheelchair, while Hannah does not have a disability.
In response, they launched a YouTube channel, Squirmy and Grubs, and more recently, a podcast called ‘Junkyard Mayhem’ to document their life together and explore the dynamics of relationships in general.
Shane and Hannah have taken the time to confront some of the more disturbing and harmful myths, specifically those concerning disability and intimacy.
A particularly widespread misconception is that disabled individuals ‘don’t have sex’ or experience romance, a belief the couple firmly dismisses as completely ‘untrue’.
They acknowledge that some disabilities can impact sexual function, but emphasize that this is not the norm for most people.
The real issue, they suggest, is society’s framing of sex in interabled relationships.
“When Hannah and I began our channel, we never really considered the idea that people would question our love or romance,” Shane explained. “And boy did they.”
The couple talked about enduring online harassment concerning their sex life, with Hannah being labeled as ‘inappropriate’ for being intimate with Shane and even accused of being ‘a pedophile.’
“Like, because [Shane’s] smaller, like there’s no way – that should be illegal,” she said. “And I often see comments that are like, if the roles, the genders were reversed, this would be illegal, meaning a disabled woman and a non-disabled man, that would be illegal.”
Hannah further commented: “It’s just wild to me that people think that disabled people can’t consent to intimacy and I think that kind of policing happens a lot more with mental disabilities but it also does happen with physical disabilities.”
The couple frequently encounters questions about their sex life in the comments of their videos, revealing many people believe Shane, and others with disabilities, ‘can’t have sex or doesn’t want to.’
Shane added: “We’re seen as asexual beings,” prompting Hannah to question whether this stems from the misconception that his ‘physical organs’ don’t function.
“Well that,” Shane continued, “and they see my attraction, my ability to attract a partner as non-existent.”
“And even if you did, it wouldn’t work,” Hannah added. “There’s no physical way – because we get a lot of like, ‘there’s no physical way that they could, so they’re lying.'”
Shane, author of the book Strangers Assume My Girlfriend is my Nurse, noted these misconceptions are rooted in the false belief that disabled individuals ‘are not full autonomous beings’ or ‘adults’.
“This is going to sound silly, but disabled people can have sex. They can be amazing romantic partners. They can be really good at sex. We are just as sexual as our non-disabled counterparts.”
Through research and conversations with other interabled couples, Shane and Hannah believe that disabilities can actually enhance intimacy, as these relationships often demand ‘creativity’ and ‘communication’.
“I thoroughly believe that my disability makes our sex life better, and this is a topic that we don’t want to give too many personal details but like, it has required more communication, more creativity to find ways that work well for us,” Shane stated. “And so without kind of that need to experiment differently we probably never would have arrived at those new ways of doing things that are great for us.
“Interabled relationships are just as full of passion and romance and love as any other.”