An expert suggests a straightforward approach to avoiding arguments with your partner, involving just four words.
Navigating relationships can be challenging, with no definitive guide on the best methods. Each couple needs to find what works best for them.
Yet, there are actions you can take to maintain harmony and keep the relationship vibrant.
Disagreements are common in many relationships, but saying the wrong thing during an argument can potentially end a marriage or partnership permanently.
Regardless of how upset you might be during a confrontation, expert Rachel Bowie recommends four words that can help prevent heated conflicts and might even save the relationship.
In an article for PureWow, Bowie explains: “The reason this phrase works when your spouse is driving you crazy is kinda obvious. The act of assuming good intentions serves as a reminder that we are, in fact, in tricky situations together, allowing us to reframe a messy moment and reminding me to pause, back up and put myself in my spouse’s shoes.”
The effective phrase is: “Always assume good intentions.”
This method is endorsed by former PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi. In a Fortune interview, she stated: “When you assume negative intent, you’re angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent…your emotional quotient goes up because you are no longer almost random in your response. You don’t get defensive. You don’t scream. You are trying to understand and listen.”
If you sense an argument coming, Bowie advises considering: “‘OK, before I blow my lid off, perhaps there’s more to the story here? Maybe it was a hard afternoon. Maybe the baby started crying halfway into a game of Trouble. Maybe my husband deserves a bit of grace’.”
The expert elaborated: “It’s not about avoiding conflict or conversation around tougher topics. It’s more about making room for productive and thoughtful conversation, reducing conflict and achieving an improved way forward together. My husband and I have come to rely on the phrase in matters large and small.
“It helps him not get mad at me, too. Like when I forgot to book a day camp only to find out the night before that it was sold out. Instead of freaking out, he put himself in my shoes. Life has been crazy busy, this detail fell through the cracks.”
While this strategy can help prevent significant arguments, there’s one phrase Mark Travers, a relationship psychology expert, advises against using.
He noted: “There’s one phrase I’ve seen come up in these exchanges that’s more damaging than you think: ‘Why can’t you be more like [insert other person’s name]?'”