Researchers have highlighted a concerning relationship habit that many of us may be guilty of.
Though not as extreme as some behavioral trends, this common practice could signal the beginning of the end for certain relationships, according to scientific studies. It appears in various relationships, such as with parents, friends, and partners. However, it often feels more painful when it occurs with romantic partners.
This practice is known as phubbing, where an individual ignores the person they are speaking to in favor of their phone.
With the advent of social media reshaping our attention spans, this behavior is almost universal.
Researchers at the University of Southampton in the UK have delved into how people respond to phubbing, and the results are quite disheartening.
Dr. Claire Hart, an Associate Professor of Psychology and co-author of the study, explained: “We know that everyone finds phubbing frustrating and annoying. It might seem trivial, but in relationships, these small moments can mount up, creating a sense that your partner’s attention is elsewhere and that you’re less valued.”
The research, published in the Journal of Personality, examined how three different personality types respond to phubbing.
A total of 196 individuals participated and were categorized into one of three groups: those with attachment anxiety (who fear abandonment and require reassurance), those with attachment avoidance (who are uncomfortable with closeness and maintain distance), and those with secure attachments (who feel stable in relationships).
Participants maintained a diary for ten days, noting their emotional responses to being phubbed by a partner and their subsequent actions, such as retaliating by using their own phone.
The study found that while phubbing was universally irritating, individuals with anxious attachment experienced stronger negative emotions.
These individuals reported increased feelings of depression and lower self-esteem after being phubbed, often responding by turning to their phones for validation and comfort.
Dr. Kathy Carnelley, another Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Southampton and co-author of the study, cautioned: “While this kind of retaliation might offer immediate comfort, it may lead to a downward spiral of poor interactions.”
Those with avoidant attachment were less emotionally impacted and generally did not confront their partner about the issue.
When they retaliated, it was more for approval than genuine connection.
Securely attached individuals, as expected, managed the situation better and did not experience as much distress.
Dr. Hart noted that being labeled as a phubber suggests one is “a bad partner,” but there are straightforward ways to be more considerate.
“Creating phone-free zones at mealtimes or before bed and discussing phone boundaries openly can help both partners feel respected,” she said.
“If you must check your phone, acknowledge the interruption, explain why and return your attention quickly.
“Simply put, put down your phone to pick up your relationship.”