Comparison is often said to rob us of joy, but how frequently should content couples actually be engaging in sex, based on expert insights?
While it remains a mystery what occurs behind closed doors, it’s tempting to think others are having a more active sex life, particularly during personal dry spells.
Is having sex more frequently better, or is the focus on quality over quantity? People are curious about topics like average penis size and sexual history, yet it’s uncommon to discuss how often friends in relationships engage in intimate activities over the weekend.
If you had to guess how often the happiest couples have sex, you might assume it’s daily or multiple times per week.
You may find the reality surprising—or perhaps comforting if you’re not part of a twice-daily club.
What’s the magic number? (Getty Stock)
Dr. Carolina Castaños, a clinical psychologist specializing in marriage and family therapy, offers her perspective on the ‘magic number’ for sexual intimacy in a happy relationship.
Her response? There isn’t a definitive number.
She emphasizes that the frequency varies across couples, as individual needs differ, and frequent intimacy isn’t always an accurate measure of relationship satisfaction.
“You can have sex every day and still feel disconnected from your partner, or you can have it once a week, and it can be so meaningful. Good sex or intimacy is a product of a close and safe relationship,” she says (via Elite Daily).
Dr. Castaños points out that sex isn’t a basic necessity like food or water, where a daily quota is required. Instead, it serves to enhance the connection between partners.
While daily sex isn’t essential, it remains an important aspect of many relationships. However, it’s highly individual; a lack of intimacy could signal deeper issues if it becomes rare.
It’s all down to the couple themselves (Getty Stock)
Dr. Castaños notes: “At the same time, if you have not had sex for over a month, it can be a sign of something deeper happening in your relationship.”
Engaging in frequent sex does not compensate for other relationship issues, she warns: “It’s possible that you might be trying to fill a void within you through sex.”
She also elaborated: “When you have an orgasm, you secrete oxytocin, which is a hormone that reduces cortisol, the stress hormone. You have this positive feeling, like a rush, and eventually, you start craving it. It’s almost like a drug.”
If your relationship could use some excitement, consider focusing on wholesome problem-solving activities together. Sex coach Michaela d’Artois suggests this approach can strengthen the bond with your partner.
D’Artois explains: “When couples problem-solve together, it gives them skills to overcome trials that they will face in their relationship.”
How about a date night at an escape room?