A psychologist has opened up about the meaning behind dreaming about sleeping with your ex.
Dreams come in all kinds of familiar scenarios, and many people wake up wondering whether there’s a message behind what they’ve just experienced.
Sometimes it’s the classic anxiety setup: you’re being chased but can’t move properly, you’re mid-fall with no ground in sight, or you arrive at work only to realise you’ve forgotten something pretty important—like your trousers.
Another common category is the not-safe-for-work variety, and like a few of those other stress dreams, it often features a suspicious lack of clothing.
Sex dreams are widely reported and completely normal, whether they involve a crush, a famous face, or even someone you barely know. Research suggests they account for roughly eight percent of adults’ dreams.
But the reaction can be very different when the person in the dream is an ex, especially if you’re currently in a relationship and worried about what it “means” (or what you might accidentally say out loud in your sleep).
Beyond the awkwardness, clinical psychologist Borbála Rozsnyik has shared what recurring sexual dreams about a former partner can sometimes point to. She collaborated with Erotik.com and discussed a range of possible explanations.
One straightforward possibility is that there are still unresolved feelings tied to that past relationship.
“This can indicate emotions that have not yet been fully processed – such as longing, anger, fear, or a sense of loss,” said Rozsnyik.
However, she also suggested that these kinds of dreams don’t always function as a literal sign you want the person back. They can also connect to broader themes, including reactions to unexpected encounters or what someone represents to you emotionally.
Rozsnyik also addressed dreams in which someone has sex with a person they wouldn’t expect in real life, such as a colleague or a friend, and how those dreams might be more symbolic than they appear.
“How can dreams be explained in which someone has sex with an unexpected person – such as a colleague or friend?” Rozsnyik said. “Such dreams may reflect exploring boundaries, hint at forbidden wishes, or symbolize traits that the dreamer associates with that person.”
That raises the bigger question of how seriously people should take dream interpretation overall. Are dreams meaningful signals, or just the brain cycling through random activity at night?
Rozsnyik said dreams can be useful to reflect on in certain situations—particularly when they linger in your mind and affect how you feel after waking.
“Dream interpretation can be meaningful when a dream continues to occupy someone’s thoughts,” said Rozsnyik.
“I do not believe dreams are purely random by-products of neural activity. At the same time, not every dream necessarily has a deeper meaning. Sometimes a dream simply reflects a moment of feeling good during sleep – which may even have a positive effect on the following day.”