Acting can be an unusual line of work, especially when a job calls for performers to depict moments that are intensely personal or physically intimate alongside co-stars.
That’s one reason intimacy coordinators have become far more common on sets in recent years. Their role is designed to support performers, help choreograph intimate scenes, and maintain clear boundaries so everyone involved feels safe and respected.
Heather Graham has been talking about how different the process feels today compared with earlier in her career, when intimacy coordinators weren’t typically part of productions.
“I think the MeToo movement was amazing [and] I think there is a very good intention behind intimacy coordinators. But it is odd when you come up without having them, and suddenly there’s this random person in the room just staring at you when you’re, like, pretending you have sex,” she told Us Weekly.
Graham is well known for playing Rollergirl in Paul Thomas Anderson’s 1997 film Boogie Nights, a performance that included multiple nude scenes.
Now 56, she has also appeared in projects with overtly sexual material, including the erotic thriller Killing Me Softly and About Cherry, where she played a former adult performer.
Industry rules have also evolved. On SAG-AFTRA’s website, they state that all union-made films must simulate sexual behavior under the purview of an intimacy coordinator, stating that ‘at no time should a performer auditioning or working under a SAG-AFTRA contract engage in, or be asked to engage in, actual sex acts’.
Where productions like Boogie Nights were filmed without that kind of on-set support, intimacy coordinators are now frequently present across film and TV, often helping plan and stage intimate moments.
“I know that they have a beautiful intention, and they really want to help and protect actors,” says Graham. “But as the actor, sometimes I’m like, ‘Can you just get all these people out of the room?’”
She explained that, on one recent horror project, the atmosphere became uncomfortable in an unexpected way—because she found herself thinking about the coordinator’s reaction rather than focusing purely on the performance.
“I just did this other horror movie, and there was this adorable intimacy coordinator. She was in her 20s, super sweet. We were doing this scary scene, and I felt like I had to take care of her,” she shared.
“She’s like, ‘This is really disturbing.’ And I’m like, ‘I know, I’m sorry,’” she adds. “It’s kind of awkward.”
Graham also described being in a situation where she felt the intimacy coordinator crossed into giving performance direction.
“They were like, ‘When you do this, you can do this.’ And I was like, ‘You’re not the director, OK? I’m not asking for notes on how to have sex in the scene. I just felt, like, ‘Shut up,’” she said.
Even so, she made clear she isn’t opposed to the job existing. “It might be better if you’re younger and don’t know how to stand for yourself and speak up for yourself,” she said. “ “At this point, I feel like I’m strong enough. So I just don’t want a lot of extra people in the room.”