A major challenge for sex workers, beyond the obvious, is often the emotional labour involved — managing clients’ feelings and keeping firm boundaries. You might assume marriage would complicate that.
But a dominatrix working in the adult industry has said she actually prefers clients who are married. More unexpectedly, she claims that in some cases their wives are not only aware, but fine with it.
BDSM practitioner Melissa Todd shared the view in Metro, explaining that clients with wedding rings are typically less likely to develop uncomfortable attachments. “I can be confident he will head on his merry way home after our encounter, not giving me another thought,” she said.
She contrasted them with single clients, saying married men are less inclined to bombard her with follow-up messages — or to fill sessions with small talk about work and family. Todd added that married men already have ‘another woman for that, a wife more eminently qualified.’
Another benefit, Todd said, is that married clients tend not to ask many personal questions. In her view, that’s often because they’re trying to keep their own lives as compartmentalised as possible.
She said: “You don’t want a client who leaves you weighed down with wretched loneliness, nothing waiting for him at home but an empty sofa and a microwave meal.”
While people might expect this kind of emotional entanglement from isolated men, Todd argued that her most demanding clients can actually be women — saying some become intensely fixated after a single session and then flood her with messages.
“It’s a cliché, but like many clichés, born of truth — namely, that women struggle to separate sex and emotion,” the dominatrix revealed.
“Having encountered me and enjoyed the fulfilment of their wildest fantasies, these women often start to assume we must be soulmates, rather than just realising I’m pretty good at my job.”
She added that, according to her, this is one reason some dominatrixes choose not to take female clients at all.
Overall, Todd said married men are her preferred clients — and while many attend discreetly, she claimed a number of their spouses know exactly where they’re going.
“Sometimes they encourage it, or prefer not to ask too many questions; occasionally they take an active interest,” she revealed.
Todd said she doesn’t mind that arrangement, but she’s not keen when husbands want to bring their wives along to sessions — particularly when the activities involve whipping and caning.
She explained that ‘it rather ruins the dynamic having a third wheel present,’ though she noted it does occur ‘from time to time,’ usually because the wife is curious about what happens.
“It can feel faintly surreal — like trying to work while being observed, with the odd bit of commentary thrown in,” she added.
The dominatrix said that scenario isn’t her ideal setup, as it can turn a focused session into something closer to a group activity — complete with unsolicited remarks and advice.
She wrote in Metro: “I like to be Queen of my domain, not have another woman insisting he deserves it for his behaviour last week, or worse, trying to tell me about her holiday plans or new hat.”