A group of contented couples have opened up about exactly how frequently they have sex — and their answers differ dramatically.
Intimacy can play a meaningful role in a relationship, but there isn’t one “correct” number that guarantees a partnership is happy or thriving.
What counts as “often” varies from couple to couple, and even between individuals. Some partners enjoy having sex several times a week, while others feel perfectly satisfied with sex once every two weeks — or even once a month.
“Sex can be an important part of a healthy relationship, but it’s not a total barometer for relationship health or satisfaction, and a sole focus on regularity of sex tells us nothing about the quality or satisfaction of those having it,” says Kate Moyle, a psychosexual therapist for Lelo.
“While there are well-documented health benefits of sex, such as neurochemical release and an increased sense of closeness, this is moderated by the sex being wanted and enjoyable. Often couples who feel emotionally close report getting more from sex, and vice versa: when sex is good, they feel more connected and closer.
“There is a bi-directional relationship at play, but there is no universal benchmark or standard to aim for – your sex life is impacted by everything else in your life,” she adds.
To better understand what intimacy looks like in satisfying relationships, several couples spoke with Stylist about what happens behind closed doors.
The responses covered a wide range, with day-to-day pressures — including work commitments, children, and general lifestyle factors — shaping how often sex happens.
One pair, both 32 and together for eight years, said they generally have sex once a week. However, when life gets particularly busy, they can go close to two weeks without being intimate.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth, 59, and Aaliyah, 54, who have been dating for 18 months and don’t live together, said they have sex more than four times a week. They described having “one quality session” while their children are at school, alongside “quicker sessions” at other times.
For Jessy, 32, and Steven, 46, sex about once a month feels like enough. They attributed the lower frequency to working “crazy long hours,” stressing that it isn’t a “reflection of the love we have for one another”.
Across many of the couples, a common theme was that frequency shifts depending on what else is going on in life. Still, several suggested that mornings can be the easiest time to make intimacy happen when schedules are packed.
Sexologist Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn also warned against trying to force a strict routine, saying, “Many factors come into play when it comes to reduced sexual frequency in relationships such as familiarity, lack of prioritisation of sexual intimacy, children, workload, stress level, finances and sick family members, to name a few.”