A former drug addict has opened up about her journey to sobriety after she set herself on fire, admitting people are ‘not ready for the answer’ when they ask her about her scars.
Addiction can be life-ruining, impacting millions of people worldwide and leaving families devastated.
In the US alone, the National Institute on Drug Abuse estimates that roughly 70,000 to 80,000 people die from drug overdoses each year. But recovery is possible, and many people do manage to rebuild their lives after years of substance use.
Crystal Raye is one of them.
Raised in southern California, Crystal has spoken candidly in a recent interview about a childhood marked by loss, instability, and addiction in the home.
Her earliest heartbreak came when her father died in a drink-driving crash while she was still very young. After that, her mother struggled, and drugs became part of the picture.
Crystal says that exposure to certain relatives on her mother’s side led to further trauma, and that by the age of nine she had endured ‘every type of abuse there is to experience in your life’.
She began taking drugs while still a child at home, describing how it ‘quickly becoming the way to fit in and socialize’.
“And to think back now, it turns my stomach to think about that but, that’s how we began socializing at a very young age,” Crystal recalled to LADbible. “And I would continue to use substances in some form or another for most of my adult life after that.”
Crystal later became a young mother and left a violent relationship. While she stayed sober during both pregnancies, she said a prescription for pain medication during her second pregnancy triggered a dependency. That reliance on prescription drugs continued through much of her twenties.
Over time, her substance use escalated to methamphetamine and later heroin. As she put it: “Whatever I could get a funny feeling from, whatever I could numb my feelings and that same old coping mechanism that I had.”
As her addiction worsened, Crystal says her mental health collapsed and her self-esteem was ‘non-existent’.
After her drug use led to her losing custody of her teenage child, she described an encounter that changed the course of her life: the person who abused her as a child arrived at the trailer where she was living.
“As soon as I saw his face, I stood up and, like, came flying out of the camper door. I can’t remember exactly what I was saying to him, but exchange of words,” she recalled.
“I was angry, instantly mad. And out of the corner of my eye, I saw my gas cans sitting there for the chainsaw that I had at the time. And thought… nothing’s ever gonna get better, he’s never gonna leave me alone.
“I would be better off because he won’t bug me anymore, and everybody would be better off ’cause I’m not gonna be a burden.”
That was the moment Crystal began pouring gasoline over herself.
“And I could taste the gas, it was burning my eyes,” she said. “And I could feel it running down my body, and I looked at him and lit the lighter, and it didn’t light. And I lit it again. And I instantly regretted my decision.”
She was quickly consumed by flames, later describing the smell of burning hair and skin, and the taste of gasoline.
She was eventually put out using a tote filled with rainwater and taken to the hospital, where she was told her chance of survival was only five percent.
What followed was a long and painful recovery. Crystal says the experience left her feeling as though she no longer recognized herself.
“The first time I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror… I was, like, shocked ’cause I had no hair, my eyes were stitched shut, I had no ears, most of my nose was gone now, my mouth doesn’t open the same, I lost my whole identity.
“Everything that makes you a woman, my breasts are now disfigured, everything.”
She later returned to drinking and drugs as a way to cope. But years after the fire, a childhood friend reached out and became a turning point in her life.
Crystal said she would call him in the middle of the night to ‘unload her trauma’ until, eventually, he gave her a blunt ultimatum.
Watch Crystal’s full Minutes With episode below:
After buying her a plane ticket in October 2022, he said to her: “If you do not get on the plane, I cannot afford to get a new one, and I don’t wanna hear from you again. If you don’t get on this flight, just don’t call me anymore.”
Crystal boarded the plane. The work that followed was difficult, but she says she has now been sober for 41 months.
“It’s taken a lot of coaching, coaching myself, but I really do love myself these days,” she said of her sobriety when asked about her feelings of self-worth.
“I’m glad that you asked that because part of my recovery too I look at myself in the mirror, in the eyes, in the morning. And I am the first person that I tell, I love you, Crystal.”
She added: “A lot of people when asked about my fire, my burn injury, scars, whatever, most of them, they expect it to be like a more honorable way that it happened. They’re not ready for the answer.
“I have really been working on sharing my story more with the world to honor the little girl inside of me that survived and experienced it all, and to show people that beautiful things can come from our darkest moments, and you are not too far gone.”
If you want friendly, confidential advice about drugs, you can call American Addiction Centers on (313) 209-9137 24/7, or contact them through their website.
Or if you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available through Mental Health America. Call or text 988 to reach a 24-hour crisis center or you can webchat at 988lifeline.org. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.