If you think ghosting is unpleasant, prepare yourself for a new phenomenon known as ‘banksying’.
Anyone who is navigating the dating scene can attest to its challenges. Whether you’re returning after a six-month break or stepping back in after six years, the landscape is constantly evolving, with new trends emerging regularly.
One such trend that has gained attention, particularly among Gen Z, is called ‘relationship anarchy’.
But what exactly is relationship anarchy?
According to Feeld, it involves “doing away with some (and sometimes all) of the traditional sociocultural rules or formalities usually applied to romantic relationships.”
Just as you start to understand this concept, there’s another trend to be aware of: ‘banksying’.
In essence, banksying describes someone withdrawing from a relationship without notifying their partner. When the breakup finally occurs, the person who has already mentally checked out feels prepared, leaving the other individual completely surprised.
Dating coach Amy Chan, author of “Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart,” elaborated on this concept to USA Today. She explained: “The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person, who ends up being in total shock. It’s selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a way of dealing with conflict that is rooted in avoidance.”
Chan further described how someone engaging in banksying might behave. “They might not be using their words to tell you – but their actions are,” she noted. “They might lie and say everything is ‘fine’ but you also have to exert that you’re not ‘fine’ because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance.”
She advised daters, “Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’s OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they’re saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that’s completely the opposite.”
Relationship expert Emma Hathorn from Seeking.com also commented on this trend, suggesting that it is something many have experienced, albeit without a specific term until now.
She said, “Previously, there hasn’t been a way to express that subtle feeling of dread when a partner has begun to pull away, essentially icing us out. Emotionally manipulative, emotionally distant – there are plenty of ways that people have tried to define it.”