Jessica Gunning, the actor praised for playing the relentless stalker in Netflix hit Baby Reindeer, has opened up about why she has never been in a relationship — even at 40.
While her award-winning portrayal of Martha Scott sees the character become fixated on an aspiring comedian after a simple cup of tea, Gunning says her own personal life has looked very different, with romance largely absent.
The British comedian and actor dominated awards season following the series’ success, collecting major honours including a Golden Globe, BAFTA, Critics’ Choice and SAG recognition for her performance.
In an interview with The Times, Gunning said she has “never been in a relationship before with anyone,” explaining that years of uncertainty about who she is led her to avoid dating — and even to redirect men’s interest toward her friends instead.
She previously shared in 2022 that she identifies as part of the queer community, but said it took time to understand that about herself.
“Everyone around me was gay. I just didn’t think I could be,” she said, adding that the internal confusion fed into her tendency to steer clear of romantic situations — even as her screen career accelerated with roles in series such as The Outlaws and Back.
“Well, not to get too deep, but it was probably that I didn’t want to go out with guys and so I was finding a way to avoid it,” Gunning said.
She explained: “I never knew how to flirt, I didn’t get it. I was always friends with guys and would set them up with other friends. In a way it was, like, ‘Great, because I’m not interested.’”
Gunning also reflected on her relationship with her body, stressing she wasn’t trying to frame her size negatively, but that it contributed to feeling separate from others.
She told the publication: “It’s hard to word this because I don’t want it to seem like I’m saying it in a negative way, because it definitely isn’t.
“I didn’t feel like an alien in a negative way, but it was, like, an otherness.”
Looking back, she said that sense of “otherness” became a kind of shield — a way to avoid confronting what she now understands about her attraction and identity.
Gunning explained: “The otherness, I suppose, looking back, protects me from having to go, ‘I don’t fancy men.’ I was just, like, ‘Oh, it’s not the time for me,’ or whatever. And then, before I knew it I was in my 30s.”
She added that focusing on her work helped her build a life that still felt rich and complete, even without traditional relationships.
But this distance also allowed her to dive headfirst into developing her acting career, with the 40-year-old adding: “My job was my passion and my love. The characters I got to play, I felt like I maybe lived vicariously through a lot of them.
“I felt very sexual and I felt very connected to myself, so I was so happy in so many ways. It didn’t feel like I was lonely. I lived with my best mate. I felt fulfilled. I didn’t feel like I was lacking anything.”