Kelly, 26, posted the audio message on TikTok on June 24
, sharing a
voice note one woman says her friend received after a first date
that has ignited a fierce debate about modern dating and consent.
Watch on TikTok
The original TikTok came with a text overlay reading “my friend sent me this voice memo from a guy she went on one date with,” followed by another that said “that’s my why ❤️.”
Kelly wrote as her caption: “Like genuinely what possessed him to send this #thatsmywhy.”
The original post received 5.5 million views; even some reaction videos have received over 300,000 likes as people race to either come to the guy’s defense or share their disgust.
Since the video was originally posted on June 24, it’s sparked thousands of stitches, reaction videos, and hot takes from people who can’t seem to agree on what, exactly, they just listened to.
The man opened his voice memo with apparent warmth. “I had a good time tonight. I definitely think you are lovely,” he said. Then came the pivot.
“If we’re gonna go to your place on Thursday, I mean I am looking to have that physical intimacy to see if I am sexually compatible with you,” the man continued. “So if I’m gonna come over, I would be hoping to like, hook up, have sex, have a good time … for my own sake.”
He acknowledged her hesitation. “My thing is, what would be the point of me coming over then if we’re not gonna hookup and cuddle and be intimate with each other?” He framed sexual compatibility as non-negotiable.
“First date, it’s fine, we want to get to know each other, I’m all about that. But I am looking to see if that physical aspect is there and I don’t want to continue seeing someone if I don’t know if that’s there or not,” the man said, adding that it was “fine” if she wasn’t on the same page—but then they should “just call it off.”
TikTok creator @hopeyoufindyourdad argued the voice memo “weaponized consent,” while @katblaque said the issue wasn’t that the man wanted sex—it was that he’d already been told she wasn’t ready after their first date.
One commenter on the original video wrote: “Second date ultimatum is wild.”
Another chimed in with dark humor: “He threw ‘cuddle’ in there just for you.”
A third viewer’s visceral reaction: “That made me want to vomit.”
Extending the disgust, another commenter added: “we are clearly on our way to extinction.”
Meanwhile, a fourth person shared a broader dating frustration: “I’ve been single for four years and I feel like I have left a cult.”
Some creators praised the message as a rare example of someone communicating their sexual expectations upfront rather than making assumptions or pressuring someone in the moment, while others argued the message made sex feel less like a mutual decision and more like a prerequisite for a second date.
Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a professor of sexual communication at California State University Fullerton, says disclosing those intentions in advance is a “good sexual communication act” that can help prevent “assumption and dangers.” She says the voice memo doesn’t fit the textbook definition of coercion, but presented an ultimatum rather than an open conversation.
“The act of that sexual communication and the clarity it provides is completely right to do,” Suwinyattichaiporn says. “But the way it was delivered sounded very insensitive… (and) entitled.”
Trauma and relationship therapist Jordan Pickell says women may also pick up on “underlying aggression” in his delivery. Presenting the ultimatum is where Dr. Anthony Preischel, a sex therapist specializing in the treatment of compulsive sexual behaviors, says “voice memo guy” crosses a line from communication to pressure and persuasion.
Better communication could have looked like expressing his desire to explore their sexual compatibility, and then pausing to ask for her thoughts. Preischel says this would give the date an opportunity to say yes or no on her own terms. Then, “voice memo guy” could decide to cancel the date if her response was a dealbreaker.
Suwinyattichaiporn says effective communication for relational development uses a “staircase model,” which includes “priming messages” to build up to larger discussions of intimacy − sharing his entire side in one voice note was the sender’s first mistake.
In the viral moment that sparked the debate, the man sent the voice memo after spending a first date with a woman through what appeared to be an online dating connection. During or after that initial meeting, the woman had apparently indicated she was hesitant about moving to physical intimacy quickly. Rather than accepting that boundary, the man recorded an extended voice message reframing sex on the second date as a deal-breaker for continuing the relationship. Kelly posted the audio, describing it as coming from her friend’s dating experience, and the message immediately struck a nerve across TikTok.
TikTok is split in a heated debate on sex, consent and what makes for healthy – or problematic – communication in the early dating stages. The original post received 5.5 million views; even some reaction videos have received over 300,000 likes as people race to either come to the guy’s defense or share their disgust.