In the ever-evolving world of dating, new terms frequently emerge, and ‘monkey-barring’ is one that’s likely to stick around because we all know someone engaged in this behavior.
The dating landscape has been flooded with terms like breadcrumbing, ghosting, masterdating, banksying, and microromancing over the past few years.
Now, there’s ‘monkey-barring’, and it’s not beneficial for anyone involved in the dating scene.
While you might initially think of playground monkey bars, in the dating context, it refers to transitioning from one relationship to another.
What’s distinct about this term is the overlap involved in the process.
In essence, an individual who is monkey-barring maintains a relationship while simultaneously forming a new connection with someone else. Eventually, they leave their current partner for this new person, repeating the cycle continuously.
It’s akin to having one foot in a relationship while the other is perpetually seeking something better elsewhere.
Although it might seem puzzling, it reflects a deeper internal struggle within the person involved.
If you are involved with someone who monkey-bars, or if you do it yourself, it could signify unresolved inner conflicts.
Not only might it indicate internal issues, but it also creates an unstable situation for the person being left and returned to whenever the monkey-barrer decides the relationship isn’t working anymore.
Experts have weighed in on this behavior, offering insights into the motivations behind monkey-barring and what it reveals about one’s emotional state.
This behavior can also be considered a form of cheating, as it involves forming intimate relationships outside of one’s current partnership.
Relationship expert Angelika Koch from Taimi, speaking to Vice, suggests that individuals who engage in this pattern are often afraid of the effort required to maintain a relationship.
She clarified: “People who do this often lack emotional growth, because they are constantly moving through life in a fear-based manner to avoid the hard work it takes when healing from wounds in a past relationship.”
She further noted that ‘jumping from one potential partner to the other doesn’t allow you room to truly grow and get to know yourself’, and this ‘fear-based action’ is typically rooted in co-dependency.
Koch also mentioned that those who engage in this behavior are often driven by the ‘thrill’ of ensuring they never have to be alone.
The downside is that ‘jumping from one potential partner to the other doesn’t allow you room to truly grow and get to know yourself’.
It’s important to distinguish monkey-barring from polyamory, where multiple relationships occur with the consent of all parties involved.
Monkey-barring lacks mutual consent and is driven by codependency, making it a form of cheating, whereas polyamory is about ‘the ability to love several people romantically at once and isn’t cheating because everyone involved consented’.