#1.
*first date*
Him: You have a very defined jawline.
Me: Thanks! I chew a lot.
— MerGyver (@HoneyWooWoo) May 1, 2015
#2.
https://twitter.com/thenatewolf/status/643569102687178752
#3.
[1st date]
DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French
ME [leans across] Oh really?
DATE: Yes— Jon (@ArfMeasures) March 1, 2016
#4.
Me on a 1st date: so yes I have a dog he is my child I need assure that u will be a positive influence in his life. Is that a problem?
— hips (@Bicuriousbogle) June 8, 2016
#5.
https://twitter.com/Canadian_Cutie_/status/693252278359191552
#6.
[First date]
Him:"Waiter!"
Waiter:"Sir?"
Him:"Could you check the toilets? My date has been gone 2 hours. Also, her coat has been stolen"— Spazio (@Spaziotwat) May 22, 2016
#7.
[First Date]
Me: "I'm sorry. It's just that I've been burned before."
*Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit
*Closes visor— ??Frank Whítehouse ?? (@WheelTod) May 19, 2016
#8.
[first date]
HER: It looks like you work out
ME: *adjusting the tissues in my sleeves* Oh yeah, big time worker outer— Floyd (@dafloydsta) September 24, 2015
#9.
https://twitter.com/LaziestCanine/status/656991570676330496
#10.
https://twitter.com/Sassafrantz/status/731655601735016448
#11.
[first date]
Him: Why are you being so distant?
Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?
— AZBaseballMom (@joci2203) April 18, 2016
#12.
[first date]
Her: I love your scent, what is it?
Me: desperation.
— Spanky McDutcherson ? (@thatdutchperson) March 24, 2016
#13.
[first date]
ME: I'm having a great time
HER: I'm not
ME: *peeking out from my pillow fort* I don't even let my dog in here, Janet— Floyd (@dafloydsta) March 10, 2016
#14.
[first date]
her: so, tell me about yourself!
me: well, im not good with dates
her: but you're doing fine!
me: christmas is on september 3rd— dubstep4dads (@dubstep4dads) April 16, 2015
#15.
[first date]
HER: I really like you
ME: I like you too
HER: So did you bring protection?
ME: *gesturing to my bodyguard* Yeah, this is Tony— Floyd (@dafloydsta) April 15, 2016
#16.
[first date]
Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know?
Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally
— Spanky McDutcherson ? (@thatdutchperson) March 31, 2016
#17.
*lights dim in restaurant*
DATE: did it just become sexier in here?
ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU— @[email protected] (@batkaren) January 12, 2015
#18.
[First Date]
Him: Great dress.
Me: Oh, this?*flips hair*
*twirls*
*skirt flares*
*foot catches*
*face plants*Him:
Me: Hey! Come back!— JC Tarp (@jctwritesstuff) January 9, 2016
#19.
[first date]
Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol
Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape
— steve suckington (@SteveSuckington) January 4, 2016
#20.
[first date]
me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think
her: what?
me: shit she knows— Dylan Mangan (@dyldonot) February 18, 2015
#21.
First date
Him: What do you do?
Me [pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalog that I've clearly glued photos of my face into]
"I'm a model."
— elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) October 28, 2015