Trying to meet the right person today can feel like an exhausting mission. Between sifting through bogus dating profiles and working out whether someone is being genuine face-to-face, it’s easy to feel like throwing in the towel.
Still, there’s a growing idea that one simple question can cut through the noise and quickly reveal whether you’re actually a good match.
According to a relationship and sex expert, a trend catching on with younger daters is helping people spot red flags sooner and identify who’s worth pursuing.
It may not sound as smooth as a classic chat-up line, but dating expert Emily Conway, CEO and Creative Director of Dragon Toys, says the most useful question you can ask early on is: “what’s your attachment style?”
The thinking behind it is straightforward: research suggests more than 60 percent of single people say clear communication is what they want most in dating, and emotional honesty ranks as the top quality in a potential partner.
That means being upfront about what you’re seeking—and what you need—can quickly show whether there’s any point in continuing beyond a first meet-up.
Conway says the question can “sidesteps ambiguity” and help “create alignment” early, so both people understand what they’re working with. If one person thrives on freedom while the other relies on constant reassurance, friction is likely down the line.
Even so, she doesn’t suggest replacing a normal introduction with a deep dive into relationship psychology. In her view, it’s about raising the topic at the right moment.
In other words, bring it up as soon as it feels natural—without coming across as intense—because it can stop you from investing heavily in something that was never likely to fit.
“It fast-tracks compatibility,” Conway said. “You’re essentially finding out, very early on, whether this person’s emotional patterns are going to work alongside yours.”
She also advised to avoid couching the conversation in therapy-speak, adding: “Attachment style conversations don’t have to feel like a therapy intake form. The key is timing and tone. Bring it up naturally, maybe after you’ve both shared something a little more personal, rather than leading with it cold.”
For anyone who finds early dates uncomfortable or overly formal, Conway recommends approaching it as a light discussion point rather than a test.
She advised: “Frame it as curiosity, not assessment. Something like ‘I’ve been thinking a lot about attachment styles lately, and have you ever looked into yours?’ keeps it light and open.
“If the other person isn’t familiar with the concept, don’t lecture. Just share your own briefly and let them respond in their own way. The goal is to open a door.
“The people worth your time will appreciate the question. And the ones who don’t? That’s useful information too.”