#1.
5 yr old son: Mommy, I forgot that I shouldn't pick my nose. But it's ok, I put it back in my nose after.
He says while holding my hand.
— Danielle Herzog (@danicounselor) September 7, 2016
#2.
7yo: I have a question
Me: I'm peeing give me a sec
7yo: It's important
Me: What?
7yo: Which ninja turtle is the toughest? #lifewithboys— #Lifewithboys (@HTLifewithboys) August 31, 2016
#3.
#4.
My kid: Do sharks have ears? Where are their ears?
Me: Hmm, I don't know? Why?
My kid: (shrugs)
Later I find: pic.twitter.com/KGRKKtc73d
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) August 30, 2016
#5.
https://twitter.com/TheGladStork/status/771148283452489729
#6.
Me: "Wake up… it's time to get ready for school."
5 yr old: "Wait- we're doing that AGAIN today?"
(The feeling is mutual, kid.)
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 7, 2016
#7.
Me: "I have to poop, are you gonna stay here or are you gonna come watch me?"
6yo: "EEEEWWWWWW NOOOOOOOO, but maybe."— Advil Lavigne (@LetsHearItForMe) August 27, 2016
#8.
6yo: Can I turn on the hose outside?
Me: Ya, ask Mommy – she's out there
6yo: I can't
Me: Why not?
6yo: She already said "no"— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 24, 2016
#9.
10pm & refusing sleep, my 6yo is trying to get a loose tooth out & yelling "I'm a man, I can DO this, for god's sake". Kids are fun.
— Canadian Cobra Chicken™ (@suzieQ0007) September 2, 2016
#10.
6yo Jamaican boy: you don't say "cool" you say "cool man"
Forgive me ?
— Bekah Heid (@bekscruf) August 27, 2016
#11.
"Daddy, the Cinderella movie proves that the right pair of shoes will change your life!"
—7YO Genevieve pic.twitter.com/TUxUEUlnHe— Judge Don Willett (@JusticeWillett) September 6, 2016
#12.
Just got called a "little butt baby" by a 6 yr old at the playground. Told him I had a PhD in theoretical physics. Didn't change his mind.
— Brian Wecht (@bwecht) May 5, 2015
#13.
https://twitter.com/ValeeGrrl/status/773579621820403712
#14.
Me: you can be anything you want when you grow up if you go to college
8yo: anything?
Me: yep
8: even a tiger?
Me: ……— Brook (@BrookLeftVegas) August 30, 2016
#15.
3yo: Get me some water.
Me: Um, try again.
3yo: *sigh* Can I have some water?
Me: What's the magic word?
3yo: …
Me: …
3yo: Abracadabra?— Maggie Smith (@maggiesmithpoet) August 29, 2016
#16.
Me teaching a 7yo what a craving is: it's when you are in the mood to eat a certain food
7yo: oh…I've been craving pizza my whole life— Patty Salas (@Pattysaidso) August 25, 2016
#17.
6yo: Dad?
Me: Yes?
6yo: Are you going to die?
Me: Yes, someday. It's just part of life.
6yo: Dad?
Me: Yes?
6y: Can I have some ice cream?— Iaan Hughes (@iaanhughes) August 28, 2016
#18.