A doctor has explained the two things that couple should be doing in bed to help keep a healthy relationship.
The bedroom can easily turn into a catch‑all space for everything from streaming a box set to eating something indulgent after a long day.
However, sleep expert Dr Wendy Troxel says couples may be better off keeping what happens in bed far more limited if they want to protect both their rest and their relationship.
Troxel, a senior scientist at RAND Corporation and author of Sharing the Covers, has spoken about the kinds of friction that can build between partners — especially when their routines, including bedtime habits, don’t line up.
That mismatch can become even more noticeable when one person naturally falls asleep early while the other tends to stay up late.
And no, the “two activities” she recommends aren’t late-night gaming sessions or craft projects under the duvet.
In her view, the bed should be reserved for two things: sleep and sex.
She suggests drawing that line to reduce habits that quietly wreck rest — including a very common one: scrolling on your phone right up until you try to fall asleep.
It’s an easy trap to fall into, but it can make it harder to switch off and get quality sleep.
“If either partner insists on bringing the phone into the bedroom, set one boundary: no phones in bed,” said Dr Troxel. “The bed should be for sleep and sex.”
Troxel also points out that one of the biggest recurring issues for couples is clashing sleep schedules, like an early riser sharing a home with a night owl.
Rather than forcing identical routines, she recommends building in time to connect without pressuring both people to adopt the same bedtime.
“For mismatched pairs, aim for some shared wind-down time before the early bird goes to bed and allow the night owl to return to bed at their natural, later bedtime.”
She also emphasises that sleep isn’t only about feeling refreshed — it can directly influence how couples communicate and cope with stress.
“Sleep loss doesn’t just make us cranky, it changes how the brain processes emotion, making us more reactive and less able to regulate emotions,” said Dr Troxel.
“My work and others’ shows that after a poor night of sleep, couples report more arguments and feel less supported by their partner.
“Over time, chronic sleep disruption can quietly erode relationship quality because empathy, patience, and communication all suffer when people are sleep deprived.
“Sleep is not only critical self-care, it is also critical relationship care.”