A medical expert has shared insight into the ‘death grip’ masturbation phenomenon, explaining why it can create serious ‘frustration’ in future sexual relationships.
There isn’t a universally agreed ‘normal’ frequency for masturbation. That said, previous research cited by For Hims suggests 35.9 percent of people with penises masturbate at least once per week.
Guidance from the Cleveland Clinic notes that masturbation may help lower stress, support better sleep, and even provide mild pain relief—but it can also bring drawbacks in some situations.
Dr Rena Malik, a urologist, pelvic surgeon and sex educator, has warned that masturbation habits involving a so-called ‘death grip’ can spill over into partnered sex and affect relationships.
In January 2024, she posted a YouTube video titled: ‘Everything You need To Know About Dearth Grip, Explained by a Urologist’, which has gained more than 256,000 views.
“’Death Grip’ is essentially using a very firm and aggressive grip during the time of masturbation,” she explained in the long-form content.
“This is thought to lead to some sort of desensitisation of the penis where essentially things that used to be pleasurable, for example, intercourse or penal-vaginal intercourse, no longer feel good enough or strong enough to make you climax.”
Dr Malik added that when a very firm grip becomes combined with a specific preferred approach and frequent repetition, it may result in what’s referred to as ‘idiosyncratic masturbation’.
Because this kind of stimulation can be difficult for a partner to replicate with a hand, mouth, or vagina, it may contribute to delayed ejaculation (DE) in people with penises, according to Michael A. Perelman, a Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, Reproductive Medicine, and Urology at the NY Weill Cornell Medicine/New York Presbyterian.
Dr Malik also cautioned that idiosyncratic masturbation can be linked with trouble getting or keeping erections during partnered sex, which in turn can fuel frustration and relationship conflict.
She noted that many people who use death grip techniques avoid seeking help from a urologist because they feel ‘embarrassed’.
Dr Malik advised that people dealing with mood disorders such as depression or OCD should address those concerns before trying to change masturbatory habits, since they can ‘really contribute to self-soothing’.
She also stressed the importance of ruling out physical causes—such as a genuine urologic issue like genital numbness—before attempting to reshape your relationship with masturbation.
After being assessed to ‘make sure there’s nothing else that’s going on that can be corrected medically’, Dr Malik recommended a self-check to identify what’s driving the behaviour in the first place.
If boredom is the main trigger, she suggested replacing the habit with other options—like exercising, going for a walk, or spending time with friends.
Once you’ve done that self-assessment, Dr Malik said the next step is to stop masturbating altogether.
She didn’t give a specific timeframe, but said that when you do return to it, you should begin with a much gentler grip.
“Try to explore all of your genitals. Don’t just focus on the penile shaft or the head, explore on all of it,’ she said.
“Be as mindful as possible, focus on the sensations you’re having… Really focus on how it feels, how your body is enjoying the pleasure.”
According to Dr Malik, with time and consistency, many people can work back toward regular masturbation without relying on extreme pressure—while also improving the ability to enjoy partnered sex again.