A former CIA officer has shared insights about his experiences with the agency and suggested ways that individuals can enhance their personal relationships.
The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) is often depicted in movies and television shows, but the real workings of this U.S. government agency are different from popular perceptions.
Andrew Bustamante, an ex-CIA officer, spoke with UNILAD to discuss the valuable lessons he gained while working for the CIA, including strategies for interacting with people. These strategies, he suggests, are so advantageous that everyone should consider adopting them.
Reflecting on his time in the CIA, Bustamante highlighted how the agency trains its personnel to recognize the significant advantages of saying less.
He stated: “One of the biggest things that the CIA teaches us is that there’s incredible power in your anonymity, in being invisible and being overlooked, in being ignored. And it’s, it’s completely counter-cultural.
“Because our whole life we are taught that we’re supposed to stand out, we’re supposed to get attention. You’re supposed to get noticed.”
Indeed, it seems uncommon for someone to advise against standing out or distinguishing oneself from others.
Bustamante pointed out that by choosing to say less and keeping quiet, it becomes easier for others to share more information with you.
While this approach might be ideal for a spy on a mission, Bustamante also discussed its advantages in everyday relationships and conversations.
He mentioned: “If you’re trying to have a conversation with somebody, the person is more likely to tell you more sensitive information, because they do not see you as a threat.
“You’re not a threat to their job, you’re not a threat to stealing their girlfriend, you’re not a threat to their business, so they will tell you more sensitive information.
“CIA also teaches you that if you’re going to get people to share more information, you have to talk less, and you have to learn how to hold back when you want to engage.”
In some situations, it might be challenging to refrain from expressing your opinion or demanding more information, but this might not always be the best approach.
As a side note, I’m not suggesting you should try to take people’s partners or jobs.
Bustamante stressed that by speaking less, you can gain more insight into the person speaking, their thoughts, feelings, and how they process information.
This understanding can help avoid future misunderstandings and disagreements.
Additionally, Bustamante explained that saying less and knowing when to keep quiet can provide a clearer view of how events truly unfolded, rather than being clouded by personal perceptions.
He noted that people often misjudge how they come across because they were too forward in a conversation.
He elaborated: “What ends up happening is a lot of people will have completely different misconceptions about how a business meeting went, how a date went, how a conversation with a boss went, you’ll think that you had this great conversation, but they don’t think the same way.
“This is because you probably spent the majority of that conversation talking, and that gave them an impression, like you were a threat.”
Bustamante concluded by advocating for the benefits of being the ‘quiet person’ in interactions, as it can often be perceived positively by others.
Rather than being seen as loud or egotistical, this demeanor, according to Bustamante, helps others view you as more interesting, patient, and empathetic. It increases the likelihood they will want to speak with you again.
In any type of relationship, being perceived in this manner can certainly prove advantageous over time.