A former special agent has disclosed a method that could help us all learn to ‘read people’ by concentrating on two key aspects.
When meeting someone new, it’s common for your mind to race as you try to determine what kind of person they are, often by assessing their body language.
There are several misconceptions about body language and nonverbal cues, but there is a simpler approach to understanding someone’s intentions.
Evy Poumpouras, a former US special agent and journalist, suggests focusing on a person’s ‘headspace’ to better read them.
“Remember, it’s not about where you are, it’s about where they are,” she mentioned in a conversation with BBC Maestro. “And if you can figure out what their headspace is and what they’re motivated by, it’s gonna make life a lot easier for you. So let’s break them into two categories: identity, instrumental.”
So, how does it function?
Poumpouras explains that those with an identity headspace are ‘absorbed in their own space’, saying: “They are emotional; they are seeing things from their point of view. They are self-focused.
“Often when they speak, you will hear them say, I think, I feel, I believe. They are in a space of emotion, and everything has to do with them. That’s identity.”
On the other hand, individuals with an ‘instrumental headspace’ are very ‘task-oriented’. She elaborates: “They are looking to get things done. Sometimes they can come off a bit blunt or direct.”
She identifies herself as an ‘instrumental’ person, adding: “I can’t help it. The US Secret Service was a very instrumental agency. Nobody really cared about how you felt; they just wanted you to get things done. So if you botched something, they’d say, fix that. You mess it up, get it done.
“Nobody’s feelings would get hurt because it was a very instrumental headspace. When you’re instrumental, you’re direct, you’re to the point, you’re very task-oriented. Very little emotion there.”
Poumpouras believes that discerning an individual’s headspace can enhance your interactions with them.
She stated: “If somebody is identity, and you’re talking to them from an instrumental headspace, they’re gonna look at you, why are you speaking to me like that? Why are you so blunt? Why are you so cold?
“And when you’re instrumental, you can often run into that.”
In a separate interview with The School of Greatness, Poumpouras describes the ‘identity’ headspace as more emotional and ‘not being very productive,’ whereas the instrumental headspace is more about achieving goals.
Nonetheless, it isn’t a permanent mindset, and it’s ‘okay’, according to Poumpouras, but it’s more about ‘being aware of it and acknowledging it, but also wanting to change it’, as she notes it can be ‘very limiting’.