Specialists have commented on Gen Z’s fascination with lavender marriages, suggesting that this dating trend might lead to “heartache” if clear boundaries aren’t established.
Historically, a lavender marriage served a practical purpose, allowing LGBTQ+ individuals to conceal their sexual orientation from societal judgment.
Anne-Marie Zanzal, a coach specializing in questioning sexuality and coming out, noted, “Celebrities and ordinary people once entered these relationships to ‘protect themselves from persecution and stigmatisation.’”
She added, “Being married was often equated with stability and, by default, heterosexuality.”
Currently, mixed orientation marriages are sought for various reasons, including Gen Z’s reported disillusionment with infidelity from same-sex partners, as written by Psychology Today last year.
Channa Bromley, the founder of the Metamorphosis Relationship Coaching Institute (MRCI), explained, “Gen Z is rejecting the standard marriage blueprint, focusing instead on shared goals: financial security, reliable companionship, and a partner who’s down to weather life’s ups and downs without necessarily being ‘the one.’”
She continued, “In a world where the romance script doesn’t fit everyone’s story, these modern lavender marriages are a radical way of rethinking relationships—less about the fairytale, more about building a stable, sustainable life with someone who gets it.”
However, a relationship expert cautions about the potential drawbacks of lavender marriages.
Christine DeVore, a licensed clinical psychologist and director of adult and couples services at Birch Psychology, warned that this growing trend might have negative outcomes for both individuals if not handled carefully.
“If no boundaries are put in place at the beginning of your lavender marriage, then there’s a chance you could fall in love with your platonic partner,” she said.
“This could lead to emotional vulnerability and potentially losing the friendship you had with your significant other before entering the pact.”
Additionally, Business Insider highlighted that even if ‘rules’ are set, they should be regularly reviewed to avoid conflicts in the future.
DeVore stated, “While a lavender marriage may offer certain advantages, it does not guarantee a lifetime of happiness and fulfilment.”
She further added, “It’s important to remember that no relationship, including a lavender marriage, is immune to heartache.”
If you are committed to pursuing a lavender marriage with your non-sexual partner, there are steps to ensure the relationship remains harmonious.
As suggested by marriage.com, engage in deep, honest discussions about the type and level of emotional intimacy each partner will provide.
It’s also crucial to continually assess the legal and financial benefits of your relationship—just because it worked previously does not mean it will in the future.
So, if you’re considering a lavender marriage, ensure you and your partner are always aligned!