Moving on from a party without offering a single farewell might look impolite on the surface, but some psychologists argue it can sometimes be the kinder option for your mental wellbeing.
In many places, the habit is known as an “Irish goodbye” — a quiet departure that avoids the long, drawn-out process of circling the room, catching everyone’s eye, and repeating the same closing exchange again and again.
After an evening of socialising, that final round of pleasantries can feel like the hardest part of the night. Psychologist Trudy Meehan of the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland suggests that, for some people, opting out of it can actually be a sensible decision when your energy is already running low.
Meehan explains that each goodbye demands emotional attentiveness and social judgement — exactly the kind of effort that becomes difficult once you’re tired and overstimulated. In that context, leaving quietly can be a way to protect your remaining reserves and recover more easily.
She notes that making multiple goodbyes can use up whatever social capacity you have left, leaving you feeling overloaded and wiped out — something she discussed in the Conversation.
“You shouldn’t leave a party completely drained with nothing left to recover with’, she wrote. “Sometimes a silent exit is about self–respect and minding your energy reserves, even if you really enjoyed the evening.”
While English-speaking countries often label it an Irish exit, many cultures have their own term for the same behaviour. In parts of Europe, for example, it’s commonly referred to as a “French exit.”
Meehan added: “But the concept is the same – one moment you’re there, the next you’ve vanished into the night without a drawn–out round of explanations, hugs and promises to catch up soon.”
She also describes the goodbye itself as a “loaded cultural ritual,” meaning it’s rarely just a simple word at the end of the night. Instead, your brain is juggling expectations, reading social cues, and trying to meet unspoken rules about politeness and connection.
“Goodbyes are high–demand situations and, sadly, by the end of a social occasion, many of us are already depleted and don’t have the energy to handle all the steps involved,” Meehan wrote.
On top of that, explaining why you’re leaving can spark discomfort and self-consciousness, especially if you’re worried about disappointing someone or being judged for ending the night early. That kind of emotional monitoring can push you into feeling overwhelmed.
Dr Meehan added that ‘the healthy choice becomes using your last bit of energy to recharge and take care of yourself,’ but warned that doing it too often can be an act of ‘self-erasure’.
She also stresses that it matters why you’re doing it: slipping away because you’re exhausted is different from avoiding goodbyes purely out of anxiety, which may reinforce avoidance patterns over time.
She cautioned: “Ask yourself whether leaving without a word made your life bigger – you conserved enough energy to recover and you’re glad to go back next time – or whether it shrank it, adding another reason to avoid socialising altogether.
“If saying goodbye starts to feel so pressured and so performed that you lose any sense of being authentic, then the connection is starting to cost more than it’s worth.”
Ultimately, she suggests that clear communication can prevent misunderstandings with friends and hosts, especially if a quiet exit is something you know you may need.
As always with your friends, the best thing to do is just communicate. “If you’re anxious, it’s worth letting your host know in advance that you might need to slip away quietly,” she said.
“Otherwise, there’s a risk that people will read it the wrong way, as coldness or indifference. Get ahead by letting people know you’ll leave without saying goodbye, and that you’re grateful to have been invited.”