Discovering that the individual you have been most vulnerable with is cheating on you can be an incredibly painful experience.
Sometimes, you might notice seemingly minor changes in habits, commonly referred to as ‘micro-cheating’.
In some instances, it might not be immediately clear why your partner has chosen to engage in infidelity. To protect yourself from further heartbreak, it’s helpful to be aware of subtle signs that might indicate your partner is being unfaithful.
UK-based psychotherapist Bhavna Raithatha has identified four indicators that could suggest your partner is involved in an affair.
One way to assess this is to reflect on how your partner used to handle their phone. Perhaps they were once casual about leaving it lying around, but now they keep it close and have changed the security settings.
“If they listened to things or called people on loudspeaker but now it’s hushed voices,” she revealed to The Daily Mail.
“What they’re doing is shutting their life down, layer by layer by layer from their current partner. Affairs don’t just suddenly happen, it’s a multi-step process.”
There are actually two aspects to this ‘sign’ that may reveal a cheating partner.
If you previously shared a consistent sexual routine and suddenly find that intimacy has dwindled, this could indicate that your partner has sought closeness elsewhere.
Conversely, if your partner is initiating more frequent sexual activity, it might suggest they are using you for physical fulfilment.
Raithatha noted, “‘Intimacy is physical and emotional. What you’ve been sharing with your partner is very sacred. It really bonds us. With an affair, you have an increased libido, for this reason you become like a Duracell bunny.”
“And partners, who may temporarily feel guilty about this [cheating], redirect this heightened sex drive towards their current partner. But it may just be a physical release to release tension — not emotional.”
She added: “Many of my clients have realised that their partner is having an affair when they’re making love. Suddenly their partner is simply just going through the motions, there’s no eye contact for example and this is heartbreaking.”
Several of Raithatha’s clients have noticed that their partners became more irritable and quick to anger when questioned about their behavior, a potential sign of unfaithfulness.
“When they start slamming doors or putting their fists through plasterboard and become threatening, it’s to frighten you to stay quiet,” she explained.
“They don’t want you going and telling extended family members for instance or friends. If your partner is becoming challenging, it’s self-protection, because they don’t want to be found out. It’s their secret. They know there will be repercussions.”
The term ‘gaslighting’ is now commonly understood as a form of emotional manipulation where someone is led to doubt their perception of reality.
According to Raithatha, those guilty of cheating may project their guilt onto their partner, saying, “They are the ones in the wrong having the affair, but they’re blaming you. They’re putting you under the microscope.”
“They may say things like, ‘Oh you smell nice, you’re dressing nice, you’re eating better, why is that? Who is that for?’ And this is devastating. You may feel like you’re losing your mind because of it.”
“They’re projecting their insecurities onto you. They will also do this in public, so at the pub or in a restaurant, for example, in front of your friends. They want to sow the seed of doubt in front of everyone. They’re gathering a crowd, drip feeding them lies.”