#1.
https://twitter.com/kristenmcewanx/status/790251726393774080
#2.
WAITER: Room for dessert?
[flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts]
ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those.
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) September 2, 2015
#3.
Ordered Chinese last night. For a minute I was like "they woke AF" Then I realized I was tripping it was beef lo mein. pic.twitter.com/cGXFbZIlzw
— Let me hold $5 (@pinchmylips) October 16, 2016
#4.
Her: babe I want sushi
Me: bone app the teeth pic.twitter.com/Bp1FF1oql2— ?AfricanBattleRoach? (@blasianBronson) October 12, 2016
#5.
Why are there biscuits in the sewing kit tin? pic.twitter.com/Mx7RozoMbF
— Indian Stats v2 (@Indian_stats) October 23, 2016
#6.
https://twitter.com/TimFederle/status/789840713664036864
#7.
Please don't break the window. The A/C is on, he has water, and is listening to his favorite music. pic.twitter.com/vqAPYgQ4Id
— Dave Cactus (@dave_cactus) October 2, 2016
#8.
When Dominos said they'd be 45 minutes but it's been 50. pic.twitter.com/HqJwZXXrKY
— Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) (@ojedge) June 15, 2016
#9.
https://twitter.com/DillonYoung99/status/771795789366583297
#10.
Pleasure to meet you. The name's… pic.twitter.com/Auq5ynNTHJ
— Jay ? (@jaybn1) August 18, 2016
#11.
Ma maw knows a hate shreddies, n she's been hidin the scran in here for fkn ages wit a snake pic.twitter.com/r8ZLRDnOkp
— ʀʏᴀɴ ᴍᴄᴄʀᴀɴ (@Ryan_McCran) August 10, 2016
#12.
Avocado: not ripe
Avocado: not ripe
Avocado: not ripe
Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW
Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted— Elspeth Eastman (@ElspethEastman) September 18, 2016
#13.
https://twitter.com/radtoria/status/692972482253451265
#14.
Arby's meeting:
"So it's fish?"
"Legally? No" pic.twitter.com/Qp8M3i3WHd— Kyle Ayers (@kyleayers) March 29, 2016
#15.
Me: God, I just feel so
Brain: HUNGRY
M: No, I'm very alone. I desperately want
B: FOOD
M: Part of me is missing. All I need is
B: PRINGLES— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) April 30, 2016
#16.
https://twitter.com/Akiladahun1/status/763626201449570304
#17.
I just want someone who looks at me the way my brother looks at ketchup pic.twitter.com/gDcrGcjG13
— Anicca Harriot? (@13adh13) January 23, 2016