Murray Hill has opened up about the alcoholism and psychiatric hospitalization that preceded his sobriety.
The comedian and actor, 54, spoke about the darkest period of his life, which he details in his new memoir “Showbiz! My Life as a Middle-Aged Man.” The “Somebody Somewhere” alum described how his drinking escalated from Hollywood socializing to a progressive addiction that stripped away his identity.
“Show business or the music industry or comedy, whatever, it’s like a lot of people do drink; it’s part of the lifestyle,” Hill explained in the exclusive interview. “You’re out every night, you’re in the clubs, you’re at bars. In some ways, to me, alcohol is like a silent killer because it’s progressive …it’s a progressive addiction, so it gets worse and worse.”
Hill emphasized that the late stages of his drinking bore no resemblance to partying. The liquid escalation was “not fun,” he made clear, adding that “it’s not partying” and “it does all kinds of damage.”
“When you get chemically addicted, it’s very hard to get out of that. Like you have to get help,” he reflected.
The normally upbeat cabaret performer, known to fans as the “hardest-working middle-aged man in show business,” found himself consumed by depression as the addiction deepened. His jovial public persona masked a crumbling interior life.
“I was at a very low point,” Hill shared. “I was in this deep depression, and all jammed up with, like, because alcoholism is progressive. When I got to the end of that, I had no pilot light. It was like barely on.”
The despair reached a point where Hill no longer recognized himself. He had lost hope and any sense of personality, a condition that frightened him into action.
“So there was no hope; I didn’t have any personality left. It was very depressing. So, you know, I didn’t want to go through that anymore. I didn’t want to be like that because I felt like it wasn’t me, and it freaked me out,” he said.
In 2014, Hill made the decision to check himself into a psych ward, an experience he describes as terrifying but ultimately transformative. The stint marked the beginning of his sobriety journey and gave him a lasting aversion to returning to either drinking or institutionalization.
“I never want to go back. I have not touched a drink since then,” the “Life & Beth” alum exclaimed.
The trauma of the psych ward became its own deterrent, keeping him sober through the memory of its intensity.
“And so maybe it was good in that way to go through that awful experience there because, you know, it’s still in my head like I don’t want to go back there. ‘Why?’ Cause it was so scary,” Hill continued.
Hill built his career on the cabaret and comedy circuit before landing television roles that expanded his audience. He became widely known for playing Fred Rococo on the HBO series “Somebody Somewhere,” the Bridget Everett-led dramedy about grief and connection in Manhattan, Kansas. He also appeared in the Amy Schumer series “Life & Beth.”
“Showbiz! My Life As a Middle-Aged Man” is out now.