A hospice doctor has spoken candidly about a common misunderstanding people have about the dying process.
Death isn’t a topic most people enjoy sitting with, yet it’s something everyone ultimately has to face.
For many, that final stage of life involves hospice care, where teams focus on comfort, dignity, and making a person’s remaining time as peaceful as possible.
Dr Michelle Hills is one of the clinicians who supports patients and families through those final days, and she’s shared what she sees as a major misconception about death.
Although dying is rarely easy, it is part of life. Finding ways to talk about it—whether you’re supporting a loved one or confronting your own prognosis—can make a difficult reality a little less frightening.
In Dr Hills’ experience, one persistent belief causes extra pain for families: the idea that acknowledging someone is dying means you’ve stopped fighting for them.
She says some people worry that speaking openly about the end is the same as “giving up,” as though admitting there’s no cure means abandoning hope altogether.
But in comments to Metro, Dr Hills argued that acceptance can be an act of care—not surrender.
Her work is especially demanding because she’s a paediatrician. She supports children with terminal illnesses and their families at Martin House Children’s Hospice in the UK.
She recalled conversations that show how common the “giving up” fear can be, and why she believes it misses what’s really happening when families shift toward comfort-focused care.
“I was talking with the father of a child who was stopping chemotherapy and dying and he said to me, ‘how can we just give up on him?’, then in the same week, a dear, dying friend told me, ‘I feel like I’m giving up’.”
To Dr Hills, neither person was abandoning anyone. Instead, they were recognising reality and choosing to protect what mattered most: comfort, closeness, and time together.
“Yet neither of them were giving up on anything. They were both finding peace with the fact that death could not be avoided and doing what they could. The time left is even more precious. And accepting is not giving up.”
In her upcoming book, The Wrong Order of Things, she also addresses how language can make death harder to understand—particularly for children.
“I wish people felt more comfortable using the words ‘dying’ and ‘died’.
“Phrases like ‘passed’ or ‘gone to sleep’ can be confusing and misunderstood, particularly by children or people whose first language isn’t English.’”
She added that palliative care is often misunderstood in another way too: some assume it’s only about a place you go when death is imminent.
“Palliative and hospice care is about living before you die,’ the doctor explained. “It’s about high-quality care focused on quality of life.”