When pondering one’s final moments, it’s common to think about potential regrets such as not traveling enough or spending enough time with family. However, Julie McFadden, a hospice nurse from the US, has observed a different pattern in the regrets of the dying. In her experience, “hundreds” of individuals focus on a single regret above all others.
In a conversation with Rob Moore on his podcast Disruptors, McFadden shared insights from her experience with approximately 100 patients during their last moments, which she considers an “honor” to “witness their final breaths.”
Having transitioned from eight years in the intensive care unit to hospice care, McFadden discusses the impact of financial resources on end-of-life experiences for terminally ill individuals in the US.
She explained to Moore, “Generally speaking, it helps to have money to die well, which I think is really unfortunate.”
“The people who have to take care of you while you’re dying at home, which is 24-hour-a-day care, are your family. But guess what – no one’s paying you to do that.”
“If you’re working class and you just make enough money to survive here, you don’t make enough money to stop working and take care of a dying loved one. So, you have to pay someone to do that, and that’s really, really expensive.”
McFadden continued, “Only people with pretty extreme wealth can do that, which I think is really unfortunate. So, I don’t think money does make you happy, but it certainly takes stress off of the situation.”
But what do people regret the most?
According to McFadden, many regret not valuing their health more when they were well.
“I think the biggest thing I hear from people [who are] dying is that they wish they would have appreciated how well they felt before,” McFadden shared.
“The main thing people say, that I don’t hear a lot of people mention, is ‘I wish I would have appreciated my health.'”
Since beginning her work in hospice, McFadden has started keeping a “gratitude list” to help her appreciate the small things in life. She writes in it every night, listing things as simple as her ability to see, her working legs, and feeling the sunshine.
“I like the fact that I can breathe, I’m walking around, I can feel the sunshine – little things like that,” she added.