Micro-cheating is frequently dismissed as inconsequential since it lacks the blatant nature of overt cheating. However, it can be equally harmful to a relationship.
If you’ve noticed a change in your partner’s behavior or have become bothered by certain new actions, micro-cheating might be the cause. These seemingly minor actions could be more damaging than anticipated.
A 2015 survey by YouGov and The Economist revealed that 20% of Americans have confessed to infidelity in a committed relationship.
Moreover, even those who haven’t cheated have often entertained the thought, with 41% of men and 28% of women admitting to considering infidelity.
Psychologist Ty Tashiro, author of The Science of Happily Ever After: What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love, told NBC that “though micro-cheating does not involve physical contact with someone outside the committed relationship, it’s important to avoid the temptation to overemphasize the ‘micro’ part of the phrase and remember that ‘cheating’ is the operative word.”
Tashiro emphasizes that “when one betrays a partner’s trust there are always emotional consequences for the partner’s well-being and the integrity of the relationship.”
Micro-cheating varies by couple, as each has its own definition of what it involves. However, clinical psychologist and couples therapist Helen Robertson identified for news.com.au four common signs often recognized as micro-cheating.
One prevalent form is keeping a dating profile active while exploring other options. Robertson notes that even without actively pursuing new relationships, “the simple act of maintaining access to the app and scrolling through potential matches could be seen as a breach of trust.”
Another sign involves secret communication with an ex-partner, which is a serious aspect of micro-cheating. The problem often arises from secrecy, rather than the act of communication itself.
Robertson states, “The secrecy, rather than the communication itself, is often what creates tension.”
An emotional bond outside the relationship, even if seemingly innocuous, can also be a form of micro-cheating. This might involve a close bond with a colleague, often referred to as a ‘work wife/husband,’ where personal matters are shared.
Engaging in activities perceived as romantic, like going to movies or dinners, could blur the lines between friendship and something more intimate.
Robertson adds, “Activities that are often seen as romantic, such as going to movies or dinners, can blur the lines between friendship and something more intimate.”
Social media provides a platform for seemingly inconsequential flirting, but it can constitute micro-cheating. This includes liking posts from attractive individuals or exchanging flirtatious messages that would upset your partner if discovered.
Robertson warns that “the anonymity and distance afforded by online platforms can make this behaviour feel harmless, but it often causes trust issues.”
When contemplating micro-cheating, consider whether you would be comfortable with your partner engaging in similar behavior.
Micro-cheating can erode trust in a relationship, cause partners to question the relationship and themselves, lead to disconnection, and create emotional distance. Ultimately, it may not be worth the consequences.