Molly Kochan, facing a diagnosis of Stage IV terminal cancer, chose to drastically alter her life by divorcing her husband and embracing a ‘sexual awakening.’ Before her passing, she shared her reflections in a final blog post.
Her remarkable journey inspired the Hulu series Dying For Sex, starring Michelle Williams as Molly and Jenny Slate as her best friend, Nikki Boyer.
Molly and Nikki chronicled her experiences in a podcast sharing the same title, after Molly received her terminal diagnosis at the age of 38.
Noting that her marriage had been troubled even before her illness, Molly opted for a divorce and began dating. In her podcast, she remarked: “Being sexual is the antithesis to death. Sex also makes me feel alive and it’s a great distraction for being sick.”
In pursuing this new life, Molly explored sexual fetishes, engaged in provocative text exchanges, and reportedly had encounters with around 200 men.
She shared her experiences on her blog, and on March 8, 2019, a poignant post titled ‘I Have Died’ appeared.
Written in anticipation of her passing, Molly’s post conveyed her final thoughts, acknowledging that many who succumb to cancer often share viral messages about cherishing life.
“I don’t have those kinds of life lessons to share,” she wrote. “I know what I did at the end of my life. I know what brought me joy. But my list would surely not affect you.”
Molly described the overwhelming support she initially received after her diagnosis, yet noted that ‘98%’ of those reaching out eventually faded away.
“The point of this is not to call anyone out or be hurt, because my last days were great,” she elaborated. “I was with the people who were meant to be there. I understand the urgency of wanting to go out of your way to see a dying friend and then somehow it’s not so urgent. Or the mortality piece doesn’t seem real or even like a space you want to stand in.”
“I never wanted to deal with this disease and blame no one for even remotely not wanting to be around it. Even unconsciously,” she added.
Molly’s insights led her to realize the importance of freedom from expectations, though she admitted feeling pressure even as her life drew to a close.
She expressed: “I get angry when I can’t sit up to type. There are projects I am hoping to finish before I go. But I have no control over any of that. The only thing I can work on is being without the guilt of not doing. Accepting that my days are what they were.”
While emphasizing the authenticity of her relationships, she added: “If you need to get p**sed at me, go for it. I think I might if I read this note from a good friend who was suddenly not there.”
“All my love – m.”
The series Dying for Sex, which Nikki assures remains true to Molly’s story, is available for streaming on Hulu.