From “wang” and “Johnson” to “willy” and “weiner,” men have no shortage of ways to talk about their penises — but there’s apparently one nickname that stands out as the most popular among 26 million of them.
Giving body parts pet names isn’t exactly a new trend, either, with plenty of women also using nicknames for breasts, bums, and vaginas.
Breasts, for example, might get called “boobs,” “jubblies,” “balloons,” or “melons,” while vaginas can end up with names like “fairy,” “nunnie,” “fufu,” or “cat.”
Nicknames for bottoms tend to be a bit less inventive — “peach,” “ass,” “cake,” and similar options come up a lot — but penises seem to inspire an especially long list.
Still, one name has come out on top, according to new findings shared by The Urology Foundation.
In research focused on men across the UK, the organisation found that those in the Northwest of England were the most likely to give their penis a nickname (86 per cent). Men in London and the East and West Midlands were also among the most likely to do it.
The survey was released as part of its March 2026 #NameIt campaign, designed to boost awareness of penile cancer.
And while plenty of familiar nicknames might come to mind, the men surveyed reportedly leaned in a different direction.
The most common choice, used by 26,000,000 men, was “John Thomas.” After that came names like “Mopey Dick” (a nod to Herman Melville’s famous whale tale), “Sur Cumference,” and “Widgey McWidge Face.” A more military style also proved popular, with picks such as “The Soldier,” “The Boss,” “The General,” and “The Captain” appearing among favourites.
Other respondents preferred names that made their penis sound like a machine or gadget, including “The Engine” and “The Rocket,” while some went for a touch of fantasy with “The Wand.”
More playful options also made the list, including “Little Man,” “Pinky Winky” (described as the twin brother of Teletubby Tinky Winky), “Little Buddy,” and “Mr Happy.”
And then there were the standout jokes — like “Girth Vader” and “Long Dong Silver.”
So what’s behind the impulse to name it in the first place?
“Names are very important,” said Paula Hall, a sexual and relationship psychotherapist, sex addiction therapist and co-founder of the Laurel Centre.
She said to Numan that it comes down to how they feel about themselves, and more, adding: “Names affect not just how we feel about someone or something but also how we treat them, so the nickname you have for your penis could be very significant. It could be the difference between care and respect, or dismissal and indifference.”
Psychosexual therapist, Mike Lousada also added that it shows how what relationship the men have with their penis, telling the outlet: “The language you use around your genitalia is very important because it shows a lot about the relationship you have with it. Talking about Mr Winky sounds like something a boy would say, so can make it seem like you don’t have an adult relationship with that part of your body.”
Which, depending on the nickname, could rule out quite a few of the options mentioned above.