#1.
doc: "your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas"
me: "let me try" [goes to adjust thermostat]
dad: [opens one eye]— k e i t h ?? (@KeetPotato) July 13, 2015
#2.
https://twitter.com/jazmasta/status/619927959474933760
#3.
DATE: so this is my dad and this is his porcelain cat collection
ME: wow, I feel like I’m in a
DATE: no
ME: mewseum
DAD: *nods his approval*— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) April 21, 2016
#4.
[gun goes off]
[every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway— joeg (@gojarbe) September 5, 2015
#5.
https://twitter.com/daemonic3/status/606858330955509760
#6.
Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he's-
Son: Dad please don't…
Dad: Lawn gone.
— Zachary James Lampley (@zachary_lampley) September 24, 2015
#7.
I never believed in reincarnation before but… Dad? pic.twitter.com/jodNw0Iom1
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) October 3, 2014
#8.
https://twitter.com/EJGomez/status/717391636767105027
#9.
A few weeks ago my dad decided he was going to order pizza from his iPad. He's almost finished.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 9, 2016
#10.
*walks outside*
Its real quiet.. Almost too quiet.
*looks around*
*lights BBQ*
*1000 Dads emerge from nowhere giving generic BBQ advice*
— a skeleton head (@Death_Buddy) January 18, 2015
#11.
"Dad, I cant sleep."
Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB.
"Dad Im seven-"
Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS.— Hoppers (@FrogAvalanche) December 6, 2014
#12.
"We can't put it off any longer Alan, our daughter needs new shoes"
CENTIPEDE DAD: [staring out the window] This is gonna bankrupt us Susan
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) February 15, 2016
#13.
https://twitter.com/daemonic3/status/697294090044440577
#14.
my dad put dried seaweed on pocky pic.twitter.com/kM8VRmH1js
— 현춘이 (@ughHugs) August 26, 2015
#15.
My dad's visiting soon, which means I need to practice apologizing to waiters with my eyes.
— Patrick Walsh (@thepatrickwalsh) April 28, 2014
#16.
https://twitter.com/daemonic3/status/678805399747715072
#17.
https://twitter.com/Sickayduh/status/677309739559206917
#18.
Sensible dad: I'd like to buy 3 'fleeks' & 7 'swags' for my son.
"Sir this is Urban Outfitters"
Do you have any 'baes'?
"Please leave"
— جسار ظافر (@Jassar_JD) May 13, 2015
#19.
"The Walking Dad," but it's just a guy walking around the house turning off lights and muttering that he's "not made of money"
— Still Not Megan (@bodegacat212) October 22, 2014
#20.
*I reach for the thermostat*
*my dad runs in barking*
*neighbor's dad starts barking*
*within seconds all the neighborhood dads are barking*— Good Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) October 15, 2014
#21.
Just 4 dads doing dad stuff being dads pic.twitter.com/YSVQh6CWEZ
— cody (@okdudeya) August 26, 2015
#22.
Farmer Dad: Having a good party son?
Farmer Son: No. The music sucks.
FD: Well then-
FS: Don't.
FD: Lettuce turnip the beet.
— Zachary James Lampley (@zachary_lampley) October 12, 2015
#23.
Son: I'm gay, dad.
Dad: no I'm gay dad
Dad #2: no I'm gay dad
— Knipples (@StevieKnip) September 30, 2014
#24.
KID: Why's the sky blue
DAD: It's sad
MOM: Light refraction
DAD: …
MOM: …
DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction— @[email protected] (@batkaren) March 5, 2015
#26.
https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/543419306600857600
#27.
This is why I haven't accepted my dad's friend request. pic.twitter.com/cDhR55iz9E
— Liv (@oliviagirling) February 2, 2015
#28.
https://twitter.com/Sickayduh/status/677955285080756224