Paris Jackson revealed she underwent nine sessions of “painful” electroconvulsive therapy after coming within “centimeters” of attempting suicide.
The singer, 28, detailed the experience on Monday’s episode of Jay Shetty’s “On Purpose” podcast, explaining that her “Happiest Day of My Life” album cover — showing a hand holding her chin as she stares into the camera with a bite guard in her mouth — was directly inspired by the real-world treatment. “I did nine sessions in three weeks,” she said of “getting electrocuted” after being “very, very close” to attempting suicide. “[I was], like, centimeters away,” Michael Jackson’s daughter added, noting she had made multiple unsuccessful attempts prior to this period.
Jackson recalled her doctor telling her, “It’s not as barbaric as it used to be. They use general anesthetic. You’re knocked out when they shock you.”
She described the physical preparations required for the procedure. “I have a lot of metal [piercings], so I had to replace all the metal in my face with plastic earrings. You go in, you get your hospital gown, they knock you out, strap you down, put a bite guard on your mouth [and] electrocute you,” Jackson continued, explaining the medical rationale she was given: “It helps with the neuroplasticity in your brain. If I’m not mistaken, it’s still the leading most effective form of depression treatment.”
The first sessions proved especially difficult. The first couple were “painful,” she confirmed, describing “gnarly side effects” including severe headaches and memory loss. “The first time I woke up, and it was the most sharp pain I have ever experienced inside of my head. It’s soreness from getting electrocuted. … I definitely had days completely not in my head at all.” Noting that amnesia is one of the documented side effects, she added, “Friends visited me and I don’t remember even seeing them [even though] I have evidence. … I don’t remember the conversations.”
While Jackson was “responding to the treatment” and “it was working,” she ultimately decided against continuing indefinitely. “Shocked once a month for the rest of [her] life” was “not gonna f–king work” for her, she said. Instead, she has taken “little bits and pieces of everything along the way” to “flip [her] life on its ass,” emphasizing that “integration is [her] No. 1 thing.” She explained, “If I’m not integrating the things I learn from these places and these experiences, I’m gonna resort back to how I was feeling before. Without integration, I just kept getting worse and worse.”
Prior to ECT, Jackson had tried numerous other approaches. She listed a “conveyor belt [of] medication” and “five different institutions,” plus CBD, dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), and eye movement desensitization (EMDR). She quipped about the range of therapeutic techniques she had experienced: “I had talked to the empty chair, held the pillow, beat the things with bats while screaming.” She also mentioned getting “relief for a week” from shots of lidocaine into nerves in her neck, as well as “a couple months of relief” after another treatment — her “longest stint.” Once she tried transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), which “helped a little bit with [her] OCD but had no effect on [her] depression,” her psychiatrist brought up ECT as the next option.
Jackson now focuses on “holistic health” to keep her healing “sustainable” and sees a behavioral specialist for her OCD. She talked about her experiences in talk therapy as well but said she recently “plateaued” after “looking under every stone.”
In the viral moment that first brought her struggles into public view, Jackson previously opened up about her suicide attempts in a 2017 Rolling Stone interview. “It was just self-hatred, low self-esteem, thinking that I couldn’t do anything right, not thinking I was worthy of living anymore,” she said at the time. “I was doing a lot of things that 13-, 14-, 15-year-olds shouldn’t do. I tried to grow up too fast, and I wasn’t really that kind of a person.”
More recently, Jackson told “Call Her Daddy” listeners last week about “reach[ing] for things outside of [her]self” to help her “manage” throughout her life, from drugs to self-harm. “It’s kind of always been present, this idea that … I need something,” said Jackson, who has been sober for six years. Elsewhere in that emotional sitdown, she pulled back the curtain on her childhood with Michael, the moment she met mom Debbie Rowe and more. In a January Instagram post marking five years of sobriety, she wrote, “Hi, I’m PK, and I’m an alcoholic and a heroin addict. Today marks 5 years clean and sober from all drugs and alcohol. To say that I’m thankful would be a poor euphemism. Gratitude hardly scratches the surface.”
Jackson continues her album press tour with upcoming promotional appearances.