A psychologist has discussed the importance of having a healthy approach to sexual activity and reasons why some individuals may lose interest in it.
In relationships, both the frequency and quality of sex are often considered significant factors for many couples.
However, various factors can prevent partners from engaging in sexual activity as frequently as they might desire.
Clinical psychologist and psychosexual therapist Dr. Karen Gurney shared insights with Mail Online regarding the ‘healthy’ amount of sex people should aim for and the reasons they may not be achieving this frequency.
Gurney noted that many couples she consults with tend to believe that having sex three times a week is ideal, but this perception is typically not aligned with reality, as the expert explains.
She stated: “I’ve lost count of the number of patients I see who give that number when asked how much sex they think they should be having – although it’s a goal that’s far from realistic for most people, since the average for British couples is closer to three times a month, and twice for people in midlife.”
Gurney emphasized the importance of focusing on quality over quantity, citing research that shows no correlation between the frequency of sex and sexual satisfaction.
She explained that ‘infrequent sex that makes us feel alive, close and connected to our partner is much better than having daily sex that’s low in pleasure’.
There are a variety of reasons why sexual activity may not occur naturally as it once did, but Gurney reassures individuals that this is not a cause for alarm.
She stressed the significance of communication with one’s partner to enhance both the quality and frequency of sexual encounters.
She advised: “I always encourage patients to ask themselves the question: ‘What truly matters to me? How important is pleasure, losing yourself or being adventurous?’
“Don’t compare yourself to what you imagine others are doing. Focus on what fulfils you and let your partner know.”
Gurney also addressed why individuals may feel less inclined towards intimacy with their partners, despite their ongoing love.
While it doesn’t require eliminating all technology, Gurney pointed out that distractions, particularly phones, can significantly impact intimacy.
She emphasized the importance of spending distraction-free time together, as attention is critical for desire.
She suggested: “Put down your phone, switch off the TV and really connect and listen to each other. Plan for non-sexual physical intimacy, such as a passionate kissing session, a shared bath or a massage, and agree there’s no guaranteed outcome.”
This approach can rekindle desire and lead to more frequent sexual activity, according to Gurney.
In any relationship, the unequal distribution of responsibilities can create tension, and it can be a barrier to intimacy.
Gurney frequently encounters couples who are not engaging in sexual activity due to uneven division of household tasks and childcare duties.
When sex becomes just another item on a to-do list, it can lead to resentment rather than being a joyful and expressive activity.
Although scheduling sex might seem practical, Gurney cautioned against this approach.
She argued that it could turn sexual encounters into a chore and elevate performance pressure, making it less enjoyable.
While finding time for intimacy is important, engaging in sex without genuine desire can ultimately diminish interest over time.
Addressing the issue directly, albeit challenging, is essential, as Gurney emphasized.
Open communication allows couples to explore their desires and address misunderstandings about each other.
It also helps couples dispel the erroneous belief that their partner ‘doesn’t fancy [them] anymore’.