Maintaining a healthy romantic relationship demands ongoing thought, empathy, and consideration from both partners. Despite this effort, there is no certainty of success.
All the hard work invested in nurturing a strong and loving relationship can be undone in an instant if communication with your partner falters, as a psychologist has pointed out.
We’ve all experienced a bad day where we say something too harsh to our partner or express something we don’t truly mean. However, certain phrases can instantly erase all your efforts.
Psychologist Mark Travers emphasized that “one sentence, spoken at the wrong time, can plant a seed of resentment that slowly erodes trust,” which may not be easily mended by apologies or remorse.
In an interview with Forbes, he identified four common phrases to avoid if you want to preserve your relationship, suggesting the practice of ‘mindful communication’—essentially, thinking before speaking.
For those who might speak without thinking, starting by avoiding these four common phrases could signal to your partner that the relationship might be at risk. Travers mentioned, “They may seem harmless, but over time, they can cause damage that’s hard to undo.”
During disagreements, it can be challenging to understand why something matters more to your partner than it does to you. While this is not necessarily a relationship red flag, your response can be.
Travers explained, “It tells your partner that their feelings are wrong or exaggerated, which can make them question their own emotions or feel like they must suppress them just to keep the peace.
“Over time, this erodes trust and emotional safety, creating more distance in the relationship.”
Instead, it’s more effective to say: “I can see this really matters to you. Can you help me understand why?” Or: “I didn’t realize this affected you that way. I want to hear more.”
Being in love doesn’t mean agreeing on everything, but it does involve respecting your partner when you have differing opinions. If someone feels their emotions are not being taken seriously, they might not take the relationship seriously either.
When someone you care about notices you’re upset, pushing them away is the worst response.
Travers noted, “When you say ‘I’m fine’ while clearly feeling otherwise, you build a wall instead of a bridge of connection.
“Over time, this small act of avoidance creates emotional distance, teaching your partner that honest conversations aren’t welcome—even when they genuinely want to understand.”
If you’re not ready to discuss the issue yet, try indicating your willingness to talk later. You could say: “I’m feeling off, but I need a little time to process it.” Or: “Something’s on my mind, but I don’t know how to talk about it yet.”
In disagreements, dismissing the issue by saying ‘do whatever you want’ is not a helpful approach. This dismissive statement shows neither that you’ve listened nor that you agree, only that you lack interest in understanding.
Travers commented, “This phrase isn’t just dismissive; it signals intentional emotional withdrawal. When you say this, you’re essentially telling your partner, ‘Your choices no longer matter to me,’ creating lasting insecurity and emotional disconnection.”
Instead, find a better way to express your current state. You might say: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now—let’s pause and revisit this later.” Or: “I need a moment to clear my head before we continue.”
This approach allows you to express your temporary inability to resolve the issue while staying open to finding a resolution once emotions settle.
The final set of phrases to avoid are those you might find irritating. Telling someone they always or never do something disregards their individuality.
The psychologist remarked, “These absolute statements are damaging because they shift the conversation from resolving the issue at hand to defending against broad accusations.
“Instead of opening dialogue, they close it, setting the stage for resentment and a repeated cycle of unresolved conflict.”
He added, “The phrases ‘You always’ or ‘You never’ exacerbate coercive conflict because they communicate blame and hostility, inevitably provoking defensive reactions, rather than productive dialogue.”
Try saying something like: “I feel unheard when this happens—could we talk about this?” Or: “I notice a pattern that’s hurting me; can we figure this out together?”
Opting for a constructive rather than a controlling or accusatory approach can transform conflict into a moment of learning in your relationship, where both partners aim to understand each other’s complexities instead of reducing them to absolutes.