For some couples, starting an open or polyamorous relationship can feel like an adventurous way to refresh their connection, with the thrill of new people seeming like it could add something extra to their romantic lives.
Social attitudes toward non-traditional relationships have shifted noticeably in recent years. A Hims survey even suggests that up to 71 percent of Gen Z couples would be interested in opening their relationship.
Still, a sex and relationships specialist is urging people to think carefully before diving in. What looks appealing from the outside can come with complications, and “free love” can involve more challenges than many expect.
Dr. Justin R. Garcia, executive director of the Kinsey Institute, told Business Insider he’s seen growing interest in polyamory lately. But he noted that many couples ultimately move back to monogamy for three key reasons.
To begin with, the novelty of meeting new partners can be exciting, but the emotional reality can be far more demanding. Many people find they don’t have the bandwidth to manage multiple romantic bonds at once, each with its own needs, expectations, and vulnerabilities.
“Most people don’t have the biological tools to love more than one person at a time,” the sex expert said.
Polling appears to support that point, with estimates suggesting only around four percent of Americans are in consensually non-monogamous relationships.
It’s not only emotionally taxing, either. Maintaining multiple relationships can take significant time and energy, and it may feel like an endless effort to ensure everyone feels valued and cared for—especially when many people already find one relationship takes real work.
Where that effort becomes most obvious is in what arguably matters most in any open or polyamorous situation: communication.
For an open relationship to be healthy and ethical, it often requires frequent check-ins and ongoing clarity, so no partner feels sidelined while others pursue additional connections.
“Even casual polyamorous encounters take substantial effort and negotiation,” Garcia explained.
The kinds of conversations required can be constant and highly specific, he said, including:
“Who needs more touch? Less? Who is feeling neglected? Who needs more time with whom? What is the state of things between each member of the polycule and each of the others?”
In a monogamous setup, couples may pick up on mood shifts and unmet needs through routines, body language, or subtle changes in behavior. In a larger relationship structure, however, it can be harder to spot issues early, which can turn emotional “maintenance” into a near-continuous responsibility.
Another common stumbling block, Garcia suggested, is using non-monogamy as a shortcut solution. If a couple hasn’t dealt with deeper problems—like resentment, unmet needs, or mismatched expectations—adding more partners often doesn’t resolve those issues, and may even amplify them.
Garcia said many couples return to monogamy after finding that dating others didn’t fix what was already struggling, and in some cases made things more complicated.
“The same issues that plague monogamous relationships — mismatched libidos, jealousy, boredom, and more — tend to surface in consensually non-monogamous ones.”
Ultimately, some couples experiment with openness hoping for excitement without realizing how much emotional and logistical work will follow—so they choose to return to a more traditional structure. But Garcia also emphasized that for plenty of people, polyamory isn’t a phase or a tactic; it’s simply the relationship style that fits them best.
“While consensually open relationships might not work for everyone, or even for most people, there are many people for whom they do work perfectly well.”