Apple just released the iPhone 7 (and some other stuff that’s not as exciting) in their much-anticipated Apple Event this week. They’ve largely ignored their customers’ pleas for, y’know, useful stuff, instead serving up an extra camera, water resistant-ness, and — most shockingly — they’ve gotten rid of the beloved, universal, auxiliary headphone jack.
#1. Some think Apple should just give up and accept the Nokia 3310’s enduring greatness.
So, #iPhone7 being unveiled today. Why don't @Apple just give up now and accept that perfection can never be beaten? pic.twitter.com/UsgyJtB5sn
— Jake Humphrey (@mrjakehumphrey) September 7, 2016
There’s thousands of them surviving on 1% battery to this day.
#2. Everyone knew it wasn’t going to be cheap.
Waiting for the price of the #iPhone7 like pic.twitter.com/yHDunjl7KG
— Sabina (@imcurious_f) September 8, 2016
We’d been wondering what to do with that spare $700 just taking up space in our bank accounts.
#3. But the announcement that the iPhone 7 wouldn’t have a headphone jack sent the Internet into a full-blown meltdown.
https://twitter.com/Politicub/status/773782388388335617
#4. And the introduction of the Air Bud earphones didn’t help things.
New Air Buds are looking great. #iPhone7 pic.twitter.com/uNYeSiV958
— Niall Russell (@NiallRussell) September 8, 2016
Can’t wait to lose those.
#5. People were quick to offer money-saving tips.
Just saved myself $159… #AppleEvent pic.twitter.com/WJQdh9f3CN
— Lux (@Callux) September 7, 2016
#6. Then people began theorizing what Apple would get rid of next.
#iPhone7 : No headphone jack.
iPhone 8: No home button.
iPhone 9: Wireless charging, no charging port.
Soon the iPhone will just disappear..— Samaya (@karki_Bikalpa8) September 8, 2016
#7. And the answer was, er, everything.
https://twitter.com/samxguevarra_/status/773814784655360000
#8. Many grief-filled tweets expressed the important place headphone cords had in our lives.
Sorry Apple, but I depend on a dangling earbud cord to signal to others that I don't want to interact.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) September 7, 2016
#9. The Apple team’s devious thought process was revealed.
*secret iPhone team meeting*
"When we kill the headphone jack, women will lose their earbuds constantly and be forced to talk to us."— Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 7, 2016
#10. But, let’s face it, we’re all going to accept whatever Apple makes us do.
You just know in 12y Apple is going to require us to get surgically implanted headphones and we'll be like "sigh, FINE WHATEVER."
— southpaw (@nycsouthpaw) September 7, 2016
#11. Then things got weird.
new iPhone takes only seven minutes to boil in salted water; earlier models took as long as ten.
— alexander nazaryan (@alexnazaryan) September 7, 2016
#12. Then things got SASSY.
“We’ve reduced the thickness of the phone, so now it’s 45% more likely to tumble between your car seat and armrest"
— David Weigel (@daveweigel) September 7, 2016
#13. People are pretty sick of Apple, TBH.
me: where are my songs
Apple: bet you didn't even know you needed 2 cameras!
me: the files I bought, where are they
Apple: it's waterproof!— southpaw (@nycsouthpaw) September 7, 2016
Will they ever give us something we need? Like less stocks and shares apps?
#15. And secretly everyone was just thinking this.
can't wait to still not buy the apple watch
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) September 7, 2016
Come on, guys, at least your tears of mourning for the headphone jack won’t damage your lovely, water-resistant, new iPhone…