A TikTok user, who identifies as being diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), has shared her perspective on why she finds certain emotions pleasurable, while others may not.
While “sociopathy” is not a formal diagnosis, exhibiting behaviors associated with it can lead to a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). A TikToker, who claims she has been ‘professionally diagnosed with ASPD and narcissistic personality disorder’ and refers to herself as a ‘narcissistic sociopath,’ uses her TikTok channel to shed light on what living with the disorder entails.
The National Library of Medicine defines psychopathy as ‘a neuropsychiatric disorder marked by deficient emotional responses, lack of empathy, and poor behavioral controls, commonly resulting in persistent antisocial deviance and criminal behavior’.
In a video shared earlier this month, TikToker Delta, known as @dammitdelta on the platform, discusses how she was 26 years old when she realized that most people don’t enjoy emotions like hate and rage as she does.
“I knew some people didn’t like those emotions,” she notes. “But I genuinely did not know that most people don’t enjoy feeling those things.”
Delta, however, finds these emotions enjoyable.
Upon realizing this was unusual, she decided to delve deeper into the reasoning behind it.
Reflecting on her experiences, she states: “For me, my ASPD blocks out and blunts a lot of my emotions. I lack specific emotions like empathy and remorse and a lot of my other emotions are pretty dull.”
“That being said, I think that I enjoy emotions like being full of hate and being full of rage because they’re intense, they feel real. A lot of my other emotions are very quick passing or very dulled and don’t necessarily feel real. They’re more superficial.
“It’s stimulating and brings me a sense of enjoyment whereas typically I just feel like an empty void.”
This absence of strong emotional responses can also have significant repercussions for Delta.
She admits she ‘never realized before just how much the blunting of [her] emotions leads to [her] engaging in reckless behavior’ or even ‘seeking out emotions like hatred or anger’ such as engaging in ‘fights with other people.’
The emotion she feels most intensely is anger, and because she doesn’t experience difficulty with anger, it provides her with a greater sense of stimulation than other emotions, making her feel ‘real and human.’
Delta distinguishes that when she mentions anger, she’s talking about ‘high levels’ or ‘rage.’
“The day-to-day low level anger and irritation I feel actually kinda sucks,” she adds.
Ultimately, Delta challenges the notion that she’s ‘devoid of emotion,’ explaining instead that she grapples with ’emotional regulation’ and possesses a ‘limited’ emotional range.
She concludes: “I like the power behind emotions like hate so whereas for most people hate and anger seem to be something that causes them distress, that doesn’t feel good to them, those emotions feel good to me. I like feeling them and I seek them.”
If you or someone you know is in distress or experiencing a crisis, resources are available through Mental Health America. You can call or text 988 for 24-hour crisis support or visit 988lifeline.org for a webchat. Additionally, you can contact the Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.