A child psychologist has advised parents against using a common two-word phrase.
Parenting advice is often shared, and a long-standing debate revolves around whether or not to inform children about the reality of Santa Claus.
Some professionals suggest that keeping the belief in Father Christmas alive is important and that parents should not dismantle this festive tradition.
“We shouldn’t be honest about Santa – at least not at first,” Tom Whyman, a philosophy lecturer at the University of Liverpool in the UK, explained.
He further pondered how the absence of Santa might affect children’s Christmas experiences, stating: “Without the Santa myth, what would Christmas for the average child even be?
“An arbitrary date when they are finally allowed to play with presents their parents maybe bought months in advance – what would be the point?”
While Whyman advises against debunking the myth of Santa for young children, child psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy highlights a particular phrase parents should avoid using with their kids.
During an appearance on The Tim Ferriss Show, she cautioned against saying ‘good job’ to children.
Dr. Kennedy cites several reasons for this advice, one of which is that it might discourage children from self-validation, making them dependent on external affirmation.
“I think about the yearning, the searching, and the desperation for ‘good job’,” she remarked.
“Every time my kid produces something, again, what they want to wire next to that is someone telling them ‘good job’. Then they go into the world unable to give themselves that type of validation and search for someone to say they’re good enough.”
Instead of saying ‘good job’, Dr. Kennedy suggests using language that encourages children to express more about themselves.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ixRrg7qNKY
The psychologist illustrated this with an incident where her daughter presented her with a painting. Rather than simply praising it, Dr. Kennedy engaged her in a discussion about the artwork.
“She told me this whole story about how she hasn’t ever really seen a red police car,” she recounted.
“Whatever it was, she shared her story with me.”
Dr. Kennedy acknowledges that some parents may find her recommendations regarding ‘good job’ bothersome, but she emphasizes that the phrase often cuts off further dialogue.
She urged the importance of ‘doubling down on building our kid’s confidence’.