The landscape of dating has evolved significantly over the years, largely due to the rise of online platforms that introduce new complexities compared to traditional, face-to-face encounters.
We are all familiar with the concept of catfishing, where deceptive online personas are created, leading to a marked increase in such cases over time, even inspiring a dedicated television series.
Catfishing doesn’t solely pertain to appearances; it can also involve personality deception, where an individual pretends to be something they’re not or exhibits inconsistent behavior.
Regrettably, a new dating trend has emerged that captures this phenomenon—it’s known as ‘ghostlighting.’ This trend combines the harmful behaviors of ghosting and gaslighting.
You might be acquainted with both ghosting and gaslighting, as they have gained prominence over the years. Ghosting refers to the abrupt cessation of communication by someone you were in regular contact with, leaving you puzzled and concerned about their sudden disappearance. It can lead to self-doubt or worries about the other person’s well-being.
Gaslighting, a term derived from therapy, involves invalidating your experiences and sidestepping responsibility for actions that impact your emotions or situation.
Consider the blending of these negative behaviors, culminating in ‘ghostlighting.’ Psychologist Fatima Alam elaborates: “Ghost lighting is the act of someone disappearing from your life (ghosting) and then returning later, acting like nothing happened, often making you question your feelings or memory of the hurt. This could lead to the other person being unsure of themself.”
Fatima further describes this detrimental dating trend, saying: “Common signs of ghost-lighting may include feeling confused, being blamed for overreacting, or feeling like you’re being too emotional, while the other person avoids accountability or keeps vanishing and reappearing.”
The psychological impact of ghostlighting can be significant, as the person engaging in this behavior often reappears not to repair the damage but to manipulate or assuage their own guilt. The repeated cycle of disappearing and reappearing can leave one feeling invalidated and deserted. Recognizing these signs is crucial. Alam advises: “First of all, start by validating your feelings. Understand that what happened wasn’t okay and practice self-care. Talk to someone you trust or seek therapy, and remember, love should never leave you questioning your worth.”