Navigating modern dating can be quite challenging, whether your potential partners are found through apps or in person.
The unwritten rules of relationships can be draining, as you try to spot red flags early or figure out the right frequency to text a new interest.
Then, unexpectedly, you meet someone wonderful; the first few dates are electric, the attraction seems mutual, and communication is excellent. Success!
However, these situations often lead to a familiar pattern. Suddenly, there’s a shift, and getting a conversation going feels like pulling teeth.
Their once lively responses become terse and lackluster, leaving you to question what might have changed.
This behavior has a name – it’s a common tactic for ending a relationship without resorting to outright ghosting.
Jana Hocking, writing for news.com.au, was among the first to document the ‘gray rock technique’.
While Hocking noted it as a method she has used to end dates in the past, she has also experienced it from the other side.
She explained: “This is a trick psychologists use to stop arguments. Just like a (literal) gray rock is dull and boring, you adopt these qualities to repel someone.”
Unlike ghosting, the gray rock technique involves maintaining contact with the individual, but in a boring and uninteresting manner.
Hocking illustrated the idea with this scenario: “Say you’ve been on a couple of dates with someone, and you suddenly realize they’re not for you… You simply become a gray rock. When they text you next, you just respond with something dull like ‘haha’ or ‘thanks.’
“You don’t ask questions back and you certainly don’t initiate conversation.”
Instinctively, turning ‘dry’ in texts or chats is a clear signal that you’re not interested in continuing the relationship.
“The person becomes so bored with you, they’ll end up kicking you to the curb, and, best of all, they will think it’s their idea,” Hocking continued.
The next time your date switches their tone and gives you brief responses, it might be their way of ending things. Maybe you’ve avoided a bad situation; isn’t it better to be with someone who has the maturity to communicate openly?
While Hocking suggests that this tactic is ‘far better than ghosting’, she also acknowledges it should only be employed in the early stages of dating, not with someone you’ve been in a long-term, exclusive relationship with.
“I obviously wouldn’t advise doing this with someone you are exclusively dating,” Hocking added. “That’s just bad form.”