You might be in a “tolyamorous” setup without even clocking it — here’s what the word is being used to describe.
A fresh batch of internet relationship terms has taken off in 2026, and one of the latest to get people talking blends the words “tolerate” and “polyamory”.
In plain terms, “tolyamorous” is used to describe a relationship dynamic where someone puts up with their partner having sexual contact outside the relationship, effectively tolerating it rather than actively agreeing to it.
Metro has described it as a form of non-consensual non-monogamy, and the publication also spoke to a person who shared what living with that reality can feel like.
Fiona, whose name was changed for the piece, said: “Despite [my husband] despising his father for having mistresses behind his mother’s back, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
“Unlike his father, who was a nightmare all around with his family, he is caring and attentive with me and although I work, he pays pretty much everything and gives me money to spend.”
Fiona also suggested she prefers not to hear details about her husband’s affairs, adding that it hasn’t been a one-off.
But while that’s one individual’s account, a relationship expert has stressed that the broader phenomenon is often more layered than it may appear online.
Dr Sarah Bishop, a clinical relationship psychologist, told Metro: “I’ve had clients who have come to me struggling with the concept of tolyamory, encountering situations where couples have navigated the complexities of tolerating their partner’s outside sexual or romantic contact without explicit consent.
“It’s difficult to determine the exact prevalence… but the likelihood is that it is more common than one might expect, since it challenges societal norms and is therefore less openly spoken about.”
The label is credited to sex and relationship columnist Dan Savage, who introduced the term in January 2024. It’s since been used to describe situations where a marriage or long-term partnership continues even though one partner is involved sexually with someone else.
As with many discussions around cheating and boundaries, the lines can become blurred. Dr Bishop noted that people who remain in this kind of arrangement may be driven by a range of personal factors.
“It may also be due to low self-esteem, emotional dependence, practical considerations, or belief in the possibility of change,” the expert continued to Metro.
“On the other hand it may be due to valuing other aspects of the relationship such as the history or partnership.”