Romance can be nauseating on any given day of the year, but on February 14 the cheese factor escalates to unbearable proportions. Sure, you love your partner more than anything in the world, but do you really have to express your emotions with a teddy bear and several dozen roses? Sorry to break it to you honey, but that default move is totally outdated.
If you’re the type to call BS on the overrated Valentine’s day hype, then these awesome alternatives to Hallmark cards are definitely up your alley.
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1. “I love everything about you. EVERYTHING.”
2. I, too, would like to be in a relationship with pizza.
3. “Don’t tell tacos, though. She’ll get jealous.”
4. Ya nasty, Triceratops.
5. But wine > S.O. #sorrynotsorry
6. “Uhm, I mean– I sayeth unto you, my dear, your buttocks look quite astonishing.”
7. “Let’s be technology-dependent, conversationally-deficient hipsters together.”
8. And because bagels are everything, you’re basically saying they’re your bagel.
9. What’s Kanye’s card for Kim doing here?
10. PLOT TWIST: You’re a guy.
11. “No words can describe my love for you. So here’s a Venn Diagram instead.”
12. Applicable to 89% of the modern population. Thank you, vodka.
13. If your S.O. is a non-practicing vampire.
14. “Coz, you know, like… I heart you sooooo much. XOXO”
15. “That’s saying a lot, since we both know your farts can kill anyone within a 1-mile radius.”
16. “Let me also apologize for saying ‘I don’t have anything to wear’ way too much.”
17. “Don’t tell me you haven’t been warned.”
