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#1. So, how DID Emily break her finger?
#2. A boring what now?
#3. The only one you’d consider mutilating.
#4. Free gift for your butt.
#5. Put the phone down, mom.
#6. WTF.
#7. Merry Christmas one and all.
#8. Er, mom?
#9. That applesauce addiction.
#10. Well, that went well.
#11. Boobsicles, please.
#12. Those big, beautiful — what?!
#13. Delicious nuggets.
#14. That’s one way to spend a day off.
#15. Never try speaking Spanish with Autocorrect.
#16. WOAH POTATO.
#17. Oh, grandma.
#18. Poor mom. Poor dad.
#19. The usual plans.
#20. Mom the corpse stealer.
#21. What an opening question.
#22. COCKATTACK.
#23. Don’t want too many people to see my tiny —
#24. And this heart attack-inducing text.